LOSS
by Jessiy Landroz
Summary: Five years after the end of SAINW, the real Donetello comes home... Don x April centric [Progressing]
1. Chapter One: April

Chapter One: -April-

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'_Do you still believe in love?_' he asked me.

Somehow, I weren't too sure what to answer him with.

After so many years, so many battles, and after so much loss, I don't know what to answer him.

That question brought back so, so many beautiful memories, and so, so many other evenly-painful ones as well, it hurt too much to bear. Sometimes, the pain is so great, I can no longer keep my body from shivering, trembling, sending a cool sensation through my entire being, but the hardest part was to hold in the tears, for no matter how hard I try, how stubborn I try to be, they break my willpower with utmost ease and flow down my face, warm and salty, full with the sweet and painful dreams of the past.

Like ripples on the surface of water, the emotions just keep growing bigger, spreading wider, multiplying, and when they reach their limit, they begin to fade, to merge with the surface and disappear.

I swallowed, and I let myself go.

God! After so many years, I felt that there is just no point in keeping those feelings bottled in anymore; they just pain me too much. I knew he is hurting the most, and I understand his loss, I understand it better than anyone else, for I have been the only connection, the one living proof they existed at all, the only connection that there is still a chance for him to survive.

"Donny, lets go home." I sooth, now my arms wrapped around his half-metallic, half-flesh arm, his cyborg-like body would have fascinated me, if only I were in a better mood.

Gently, I tried to pull him up to his feet, cursing Bishop over and over to what he had done to him and his body.

Breaking into a sobbing heap, he's too torn to move, and collapsed onto my lap, pulling me down with his massive weight. Hugging me tightly, his silvery, metallic arm latching to my side, his three digits, resembling his lost fingers in shape and thickness, except that they were sharper at the tips, his sharp claws were digging into my flesh, drawing the faintest little lines of blood, but I dare not show any pain, I let him pour out his agony into my ears, his body shakes and jerks with his howls, he hiccups, mourning over the loss of his family, and all I can do is comport him.

I wrap my arms around him protectively, allowing him to cry onto my body, to bury his face in my lap, listening to his gasps and sobs, and I ignore the shivering and his sagging shoulders, and ignore the pain searing through my cuts.

It had been long on this change, too long, and nothing will make things any different.

It had been thirty five years, and we had just started taking prospering after the defeat of Shredder.

Now standing, or more like sitting, at the memorial grave, I gazed up tiredly at Raphael's statue, begging my lost friend for the tiniest bit of comfort, for support, for I have always found my strength in Raph's presence, no matter how irritated or angry he was; but his statue is dead silent, and as still as the marble stone it is made of, just like Mikey's and Leo's by his sides.

Their statues in the graveyard, where master Splinter had asked to be buried, we have created a memorial spot for them here.

It had been five years after the disappearance of younger Donatello.

Their stoned figures, their expressions had not changed, their strong, brave, stubborn and determined glares, as the heads of the statues look up towards the east, their facial expressions fixing the truth deeper into my mind as they gaze up into the sky, their bodies paralyzed by the skilled hands of time, they that will not change, even after their death.

Raph's stubborn stare, Leo's humble smile and Mikey's indifferent scowl.

Donny's cries died down, and his metallic leg makes a slight screeching sound, as it rubs the rocks below us where we sat on the old, dirt-covered field; no longer coherent to his behavior, he curls into my lap, begging, pleading for the return of his family.

After thirty years of imprisonment under Bishop's hands, after so much pain and turmoil, escaping his prison, he returns only to see his three brothers and father dead. He grieves loudly, sobbing and crying, begging me to tell him it's all a dream, a very bad dream, a wicked nightmare! Pleading me to tell him that none of this is real, that it will all go away, but I say nothing, I just hold him tight, and my tears speak for me, dripping from my chin, only to land on his face, trickling down his brownish, olive green skin.

He stops once he recognized the smell of blood, and the red-dye staining my shirt.

He quickly releases me and bolts up, he stumbles back, fumbling and trying to apologize, though the tears never seize, they keep flowing down our faces. He starts cursing himself and his current body, cursing Bishop for his doing, and I say nothing.

It had been long, way too long, and I can no longer find the heart to say anything.

They were my brothers, too; I grieved their loss over and over, but I could never grow to accept it, or get over it.

Never…

Somehow, I am baffled and overjoyed by his return, and still, part of me is hurting and still grieving, for he might have come back into my life, yet he is no longer the turtle I once knew. Not anymore, not after thirty years of torture under Bishop's hands. Not after years of dissection and having half his body transformed into a robotic beast!

That is a life he lived and survived thus far, a life no one could comprehend, a life _I_ could never understand, a past I will probably never learn and acknowledge, for he will probably want to forget it.

So do I, I wish to forget all the pain as well.

But not them, my family, I wish to forget everything but them.

"Donatello." I cooed as I stood up and walked towards his shaking body, and he panicked, taking a step back.

With a furrow, doing my best to ignore the searing pain in my sides and the reek of blood creeping into my throat, I smiled.

He sniffles, the rattling of his metallic limbs is quite clear to my ears.

With a soft sigh, my hands land on his shoulders, and I cup them tightly, "Let us go home."

He composes his ragged breath, and his mismatched eyes stare at me, one in teary chocolate brown, and the other in emerald, robotic-green, "Home?" he scoffed, sarcastically and not very pleased, "_What_ home? The Foot trashed the lair, remember?"

I smiled, just a bit, "Let us go home." I echoed, now gently tugging at his arms, I pulled him, gesturing for him to follow me.

With a screeching hiss, his robotic leg hissed as the cylinder released pressure.

I think he might have punctured or dented the cylinder when he rolled his knee over the rocks, seeing his metallic limbs are quiet delicate, the dents and loose screws need to be tightened back on as well, I see.

Reluctantly, he agreed, allowing me to guide him away.

With a smile, I promised myself that I will live for him.

I will make him happy, I swear.

Xxxxxxxxxxxxxx

A/N: I edited the chapter, nothing much, just added some details and fixed some spelling mistakes.


	2. Chapter Two: Donatello

Chapter Two: - Donatello-

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I swallowed the knot forming in my throat.

So much had changed in thirty five years, I don't even recognize any of the city's landscape anymore.

Walking away from the memorial graveyard, my fleshy hand grabbing tightly to April's, to the point her knuckles started turning white. I panicked, fearing that I have probably crushed her small hand, but panicked even more when I realized I was being guided away from the memorial area that was placed in honor of my brothers, and towards a bustling crowded street!

My heart raced, finding myself being guided down towards a public street, many, many countless and numerous humans eye me lazily, but none of them fretting, panicking or saying anything, they just pass us by.

I panicked so badly, I fled her touch and stifled a scream, I ran back towards the memorial area, and though I knew it was barely three minutes away, my heart was throbbing in my chest and in my head, almost as if I had run for miles!

Gasping, latching to the nearest tree in my path, trying my best to calm my racing breath, the throbbing in my chest, the heat in my eyes, the chill in my bones, causing my legs to shake, and the pumps of my bionic heart slightly pump faster, responding to the robotic side of my brain, and I feel my limbs shivering again.

I'm scared. God I'm so scared.

Terror must have been clear on my face, because when April found me, she assured me that it's fine, and that no one will come near me, that I'm safe, but if I still don't feel comfortable with walking out in public, then it is alright. She reached into her belt pocket and pulled out what I recognized as some soft of cell phone, and watched her make a call.

I stared aimlessly at my surroundings, though keeping my ears to her voice, it was enough to comfort me, even if I were hearing her voice, I weren't really listening, I was just pleased to hear her voice again. Now eyeing the trees and the grass, watching squirrels scurry around, birds chirped, life was overwhelming, I've spent long, painful hours in Bishop's lab, to the point I forgot how it felt to be alive!

April ended the call, claiming that some guy named Tyler was coming over with a car, and they'll take us home.

I have no home, without my brothers and father, I no longer have a home.

April took off her long, black cape, despite the obvious cuts on the sides, caused by my treacherous claws, and draped it over my shoulders, and for the life of me, I never could remember the last time I've slipped into a nice, warm piece of clothing, and it had her scent, it helped me relax. Slowly my shivering and trembling eased down, and I felt much better.

She said it was the same one Leo wore till the day he died, and I grew too hesitant to stay dressed in it, not wanting to damage something one of my brothers wore, it carried too many emotions and memories, it hurt.

Slipping my fleshy arm into the fabric of the sleeve, I felt my fingertips caress it, sensing the somewhat leathery-like feeling. It reminded me so much of Leo, soft yet strong, tough around the edges, yet still lean and comfortable, and the warmth, it just makes me feel so safe, so content, so close to a brother I have lost. I felt the slightest twitch at the corner of my mouth, as a single tear trickled down my face, and I realized I was smiling, the memory was so fresh, yet so far away, I was happy, and yet so alone.

I have not smiled in years, in thirty five years, to be exact.

Thirty five years, that makes me fifty years old now, right?

What of April, then? She is at least six years older than me, so is she about sixty years old now?

A black car drove near the clearing, and April carefully placed her hand on my shoulders, she tugged gently, asking me to release the tree and follow her, begging me to listen, and I hesitated, the shivering returned to my fleshy leg, while the pumps in my robotic leg began to rattle, it bothered me, I really need to repair the cylinder, it's hurting me.

I was cold, Leo's cape kept me warm, I opened my eyes and looked at April, she looked so old, either it be all the turmoil she had went through, or all the time that had passed, if not both, I'll never know.

"Donny, please." She soothed, her warm needle-like fingers smoothly caressing my cold cheek, carefully trailing lines between my head plate and my flesh, she flicked away the teardrop, smiling softly, "Let us go home."

Listening to my breath, feeling the air going in and out of my throat, sensing the heat and the coolness, I closed my eyes.

She placed her lips on my cheek, kissing me softly, "C'mon."

In a heartbeat, a torrent of forgotten emotions bedazzled me, swelling in my chest, so slowly I nodded, allowing myself to smile again; I eyed her, trying to hold back the tears. Smiling, she tugged at my hand, and she guided me towards the car's door. I hunched down a bit, despite the pain that jolted my spin, but I dare not show it.

Bishop had fun scrapping the edges of my shell off my back, wanting to reach the base of my spine, and I don't want to think about how much of my shell he had already removed, it's frightening enough thinking about it.

I stepped into the car, now seating myself on the backseat, and April climbed in after me, now picking my fleshy hand, soothing it, smiling lovingly. I nodded in gratitude, and closed my eyes.

God, I was so tired.

….

I opened my eyes, and atop of me, I saw the white light.

I gasped, jumping in my bed, wanting to bolt.

It took me a second glance to realize I weren't in the dissection chamber, not tied down with straps and belt, no wires, needles or pins attached to my skin, no poking and prodding, and most important of all, no Bishop! No, not any more.

I was in a casual white bedroom, it smelled like a hospital, but milder and with the scent of – strawberries? With a wooden-tile floor, a door and a window, with drapes and a carpet, a study desk, a computer, a wardrobe and a privet bathroom, I relaxed, if only a little. I mean, the room did look kind of homey. Although white used to be one of my favorite colors, I am beginning to gain a sense of loathing against the color, it frightens me, it reminded me too much of the dissection room Bishop would hold me in when he's in a foul mood.

"Good morning." A voice spoke.

Sitting at the side of the bed, with my feet touching the soft, wood-tiled floor, ignoring the welcomed cool sensation in my toes, I, or my ears actually, could not process the voice's sound waves that entered my ears, it was insufficient data, I could not recognize it, nor remember it, and it did not match any of the sound samples stored in my memory bank either, it was new.

I turned around, slowly and steadily, if not a little hesitant, though turning hurt my neck and spine, all due to the bionic cords Bishop had implanted into my backside, and tried to look at who had entered the bedroom.

The figure was feminine and slender, with purplish hair and brown eyes.

It was a woman, probably thirty years old; or five to ten years younger than I am.

"You- look familiar." I murmured, my memory frizzed for a second, and the data base at the core of my brain began to function, retrieving lost files and stored memory files from the base date system, trying to find matching results.

"Don, it's me," The woman spoke, unafraid by my appearance; she walked closer; slowly, she eased down on the bed, now sitting next to me, she smiled with a twinkle in her glittery eyes, and dare put her hand on my fleshy hand, "Angel." She identified herself.

I stared, a gasp slowly slitting my throat, I bolted up, walking backwards and away from her.

It- it couldn't be! She- she hardly looked anything like that Purple-Dragon-punk-wannabe teen, she looked- like- like- well, like a woman! A delicate, narrow shouldered, humble lady, with her hair down, her strands curly and lazing over her shoulders, those bangs over her eyes, she- she was something else! Someone else completely!

"Y- you- you've- …?" I stuttered, unable to speak.

She smiled, "Yeah, long time no see." She giggled, "And Yes, Donny, it **is** me."

"You've changed." I whispered, eyeing her, my brain already saving copies of her image, storing them in the date base, "I- didn't recognize you." I admitted, ignoring the buzzing of the memory bank burning saved data to the backup system.

"Same goes to you." she got up and soothed her knee length skirt, her black-lined-in-white business suite looked so pretty, hugging her fine slender figure like that, "We thought you were dead." She admitted quietly, "I'm glad we were wrong."

I swallowed, not really sure what approach to take.

It's- been so long since I've been near a woman, and damn, just look at Angel right now is making all these funny, very old teenager thoughts and feelings resurface; but who am I kidding? In the way I am now, no woman in her right mind would want to be anywhere near me, so why should they even befriend me, unless they have a good reason.

"Right now," I began, swallowing my sorrow, "I wish if Bishop _had_ killed me." I ignored the drained, shocked look in her eyes, "At least, I could have died painlessly, to have joined my brothers and father! You wouldn't have had to look at me, like- like _this!_" I hissed bitterly, gesturing to my half robotic, half flesh body, it sickened me, how I used to be so fascinated by such things.

If anyone would have told me, when I was a teenager, that this is the life I would spend my last days living, I would have been interested, maybe even excited, I had such a simple, shallow mind back then, it sickens me.

Pulled out of my thoughts, I felt her body pressing onto mine in a fierce hug, her sobbing wrenched my heart.

"You idiot! Don't you dare say that!" she scolded, her fist harmlessly hitting my bionic shoulder, wanting to emphasize her distaste with my statement, "Do you have any idea how much it hurt to lose you? We thought you were dead, goddamnit!" she cried, anger and pain battling in her voice, "Master Splinter knew you'd come back, he said you will! Even Raph believed you'd come back! He refused to give up, he knew you'd come back to us again!" she sobbed, now sniffling, calming herself, if only a little, "M- Mikey, he was so broken when you were gone, you have no idea how he and Leo needed you! They needed you so badly! They all needed you!"

I shivered, and I could no longer support my own weight; my legs, my knees gave up on me, giving up to gravity, and they buckled, dropping me with Angel, still hugging me to the floor, but we both managed to balance ourselves, not falling on each other, and we collapsed to the floor. She pulled a little back, sniffling and upset, her tears running down her pale face, her hands on my cheeks, her thumb brushing back tears that I never felt trickling down my face, she breathed out, trying to force a small smile.

"R- Raph," she began, breathlessly trying to calm herself, "I promised him, I promised him that when you come back, and he's not around to greet you, I promised I'd beat you up!" she laughed, but her smile broke and more hot, salty tears trickled like a river down her face, and only now, with our closeness, did I take note of her pink lipstick and faint, purple eyeshade, "H- he asked me to tell you, to tell you that he loved you, that he's sorry he never got the chance to say goodbye." She whimpered.

She broke into a heart wrenching sob, her shoulders sagging, she sobbed and hiccupped, sniffling and latching on to my tighter than before, she buried her face in my neck, and all I could do was stare at the far wall.

More tears trickled down my face, and all I could do was stare.

I closed my eyes, and I hugged her, I screwed my eyes shut and I hugged her so tightly, I was in too much pain to care if my bionic arm hurt her or not, it was just too much to bare, it hurt, and the buzzing in my memory bank was not helping! Flashing images from my frizzed memory in the back of my mind, reminding me of everything, the good times and the bad times.

At that moment, I never felt so alone in my entire life.

I- I want to see them again.

I- I'm so alone.

Xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

A/N: Um, yeah, whatever… review please!


	3. Chapter Three: April

Chapter Three: -April-

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Once Donny was placed in a bedroom, I relaxed.

Thirty five years, and this is what Bishop had done to him.

Thirty five years of torture; thirty five years of endurance and wait; thirty five years of complete pain and misery, he withstood it all only by believing that once he's back home; he'll be greeted by the arms of his beloved father and brothers. Donatello had never been the loner, he can't survive without his family, and I don't blame him, I'm amazed I've survived five years without them, too.

Five years, it had only been five years since younger Don helped us take down the Shredder, though it cost me the remaining members of my family, and though now dead, they will forever be in my heart, in my soul, alongside Casey.

Sometimes, when I think of younger Donatello, I wonder if he is the same as my Donatello.

I mean, if I ask Don about how we destroyed the Shredder, would he remember? Would he know? Or was the Donatello who had helped us retrieve out lost freedom, a mutant youth from another world, in another universe equal to ours?

No, I highly doubt my Donatello would know, because if younger Don was the same as my Donatello, the one in this time and universe, then he would have put a stop to things and would not have vanished, but then again, if he had, I would not be here in this life and state, so maybe younger Don had made a difference, but in his world and not mine?

If so, then I'm satisfied, at least in some other universe, Donatello is happy alongside his brothers and father.

There was a knock on my office door, "Come in." I called, allowing entrance.

The young gentlemen walked in, "You wanted to see me, ma'am?"

"Yes," I nodded, watching him advance into the room.

Now smiling at the young friend, with his brilliant green eyes and brownish red hair; Raph had claimed to have acquired the boy a long time ago, when he brought him into our defense lines, because of a persistent request of trooping, the boy was quite the hotheaded, boneheaded fellow, he was too much like Raph and Casey; a type of guy who wouldn't take 'No!' for an answer.

When I asked Raph when and how they knew each other, he mentioned something about a flash bomb, but then he refused to dwell into details, so I never preyed for an answer and simply let it go.

"Tyler, I would like to ask you to try and get in contact with Angel for me, I can't seem to find her at home or at her working area, and her cell phone seems to be offline." I admitted worriedly.

Angel doesn't usually leave her working quarters without leaving a lead to where she might be, unless she's at the memorial grounds, retelling her memories to Raphael's statue; she usually leaves her answering machine turned on.

He fidgeted a bit, "Um, Lady Angel is already in the building, ma'am." He informed, arching an amused brow, "I delivered her to the rehab headquarter myself about ten minutes ago." He briefly explained.

I stared at him, paused and then furrowed, I put my hands on my hip, trying to look upset, "And- prey tell, why has no one told me?"

He fidgeted, "Um, maybe because I thought you knew?" he shrugged, a bit puzzled.

I sighed in frustration, "Tyler, if I told you once, I told you a thousand times! Never- ?"

"-Never estimate something you are not sure of, for the outcome would likely be the opposite of what you hoped for." He said in a parrot-like manor, though grinning, "I know, ma'am, trust me, I know." He sighed, smiling slightly.

I faked an upset, lopsided smirk, sometimes he makes me feel too much like a mother, and honestly, I missed that wonderful yet painful feeling, "You're too much like Raph, you know that?"

His smile fell a bit, but then he brought it back up, "Yeah, I miss him, too."

The silence that came after was broken with a heavy hearted sigh. '_God, how I miss them._' I turned to gaze outside my window. '_I miss Leo's smile, Raph and Casey bumping heads, Mikey pulling a prank, and most of all, I miss Sensei, just being himself, and being there._' I closed my eyes, and then opened them, my gaze went down to street level, watching the cars as they zoom by.

Five years had passed, and we flourished into a new era, a world where humans and mutants live together. Many creatures were exposed to society when Shredder was still strong, like the Utrom, the fish men and the Green men, many of those Arial people and other various creatures were exposed as well, even the Entity, it was a hard life to be enslaved by such a cruel beast.

But thanks to younger Donatello, to his determination and strong sense of justice, once the Shredder was out of the picture, all races united as one, and rebuilt this planet and bonded in harmony.

Although some humans were still uneasy and did not accept the none humans into their life, especially those who barely looked human, like the fish men, to share the planet with them, but after so many years, enduring a long tiresome war, most ex-soldiers had already accepted the non humans as brothers in arms, and they were as memorable and respected as any other human.

I was glad things were coming to terms peacefully, that humans and mutants were now as one big family; the trees and plant grew back again, and animals multiplied, the cities were rebuilt, children could laugh and play freely once more, and those who died were treasured in their families hearts, we even selected an independent day to celebrate our freedom.

'_Come to think about it, the fifth year anniversary is two months from now._' I thought in worry, for Donatello is still heartbroken, and I dearly don't want to rip open fresh wounds, not when he's so already broken.

Dismissing Tyler, I told him to ask Angel to come by my office once she's free, I dearly wanted to talk to her about Donatello, he's in such a terrible health condition, and his mental health worries me as well. I need to appoint some therapists who would take care of him, medical treatment had not really been my field, aside the simply task of first aid, I know no other procedure.

I smiled sadly, I remember how happy Angel was when I told her Don was alive, that he came back, but I also remember how terrified and crestfallen she was when she saw him, sleeping peacefully in the backseat of the car, she never expected him to return to us like that, so- different, her tears and her whimpering broke my heart, she was never prepared to lay eyes on him in that state.

Ever since she and Raph divorced, Angel and Raph had been pretty much indifferent towards each other, they'd avoid each other, though Angel would usually come to me and complain, saying how much she loved him, but he refused to admit that he still loved her, though as obvious as it was in his behavior, he'd just say that he doesn't deserve her love, and that she ought to look for a human worthy of her affection, and that a 'freak' like himself, who abandoned his own father, does not even deserve to be alive.

Mike and Leo were indifferent towards Raph, ever since their disbanding when master Splinter passed away, almost as if they were no longer brothers, it was ten times worse than when Casey died, and deep down in my lonely heart, it hurt worse than any other friend's death a thousand times over! It was so unbearable! I yelled at them that day, yet they all tuned me out, as if I weren't even there!

Although Leo was mildly surprised with Raph and Angel's romantic relationship at first, he then just ignored it, yet he was very upset when Raph lost his eyes on that failed infiltration mission, when Casey lost his life. Mike on the other hand, showed no reaction whatsoever towards either the romantic relationship or Raph's lost eye, I'm afraid that ever since Mike lost master Splinter _and_ his arm in that final battle, he simply dropped and abandoned all hope, and lost faith in Don ever coming back, he also lost faith in his brothers as well.

Mike was so coldhearted, even to me, it tore my heart out worse than any physical wound.

Only God knows how much I wanted that orange masked, girly-screaming, lovably, lighthearted, cute prankster back, I missed his laugh, I missed his smile, I missed his comforting presence, but Mike was no longer a comfort, he became nothing but a green, living breathing statue; even when Leo lost his eyesight on that fated day, things just got worse and worse.

I hated it. I despised it. I wanted it all to just- Stop!

God, if I could turn back time, I wish things never got this way.

I wish- I wish everything would just go back to how it used to be.

….

Minutes felt like hours as they passed, and I grew anxious.

I wanted to see Don so badly, but I also had so much work to do.

As the city's mayor, it's hard to balance the responsibilities, and being so old isn't helping. It's been so long since I've found anyone with the time and will to help me divide the task of caring for the city's needs on a steady pace, with the Utrom technology, some people were still blinded by greed, and fighting those within our lines was much, much harder than fighting those outside.

Besides, some mutants considered us the cause of all the chaos, they rabble against us, though as of yet, no real blood-drawing war had occurred, just collusions and misunderstandings. All thanks goes to Raptor, representative of the Aerials, and Versallia as the representative of the Entities, peace among the non humans and the humans still reminds on an understandable level.

I don't blame them, the non humans, they've lived most of their lives in hiding, only when the Shredder captured them and enslaved them, did they know how hard it was to survive, and the humans weren't making things easier.

I, for one, tried my best to make the non humans understand that in times of crisis, we should work together, not against each other, I never thought that once it's over, I'd end up elected as mayor, not that I wanted the job, it's just not easy finding someone younger with a strong sense of responsibility to handle it, without having the power blinding them, or filling their heads with hot air, and it's not like they would have let me step down even if I wanted, it was touching, how they chose me, it made me feel so needed.

I missed that feeling, to be needed by someone.

Inhaling deeply, I put aside my paperwork, I really need to check on Don, I'm worried, I'm a little too anxious to see him, to talk to him, to be sure that he's home, heart and sole!

Getting up, I felt a slight twitch to my side, but chose to ignore it. Don's metal claws might have cut me, but they were never intentional, and the cut wasn't deep or bad, it hardly bled, so it just itches a little, is all.

To think of those claws, Don could end up hurting himself, intentionally or none intentionally, and if my mind isn't playing tricks on me, Don might be desperate enough to see his family, as to cut himself, to bleed to death?

No! Don is a levelheaded fellow! He'd never go that far, right?

I mean, _I'm_ still here, I'm family, aren't I?

… Aren't I?

With a painful tug in my heart, I tried not to think too deeply about it or bring myself to tears again, for I knew that the answer to that question could very well not be to my liking.

My thoughts were racing, and I found myself more panicked than anxious, I had to see Don! I had to confirm that my mind was playing tricks on me, I had to! If I don't, I'll go insane!

I subconsciously found myself marching, or more like jogging down the hall! With all the building attendants on the occupied floor were watching me race, confused, alarmed and a tad bit humored. They've never seen a sixty year old granny running down a lobby before, have they? Well, I'll give them something to laugh at, when I'm in a better mood, right now I don't care!

My only family could be at stake! I _had_ to get to him!

With my heart throbbing in my chest, and my pulse drumming in my head, I gasped for air, slowing down and allowing my old bones a minute of rest, I still paced hurriedly down the hall and into the rehab headquarters, the doctors there eyed me in confusion, but they must've seen the panic in my face, for they dare not get in my way. They moved away from my path, allowing entrance, and I glided through their lines gladly. Only when I reached the rehab lobby did I stop, collecting my breath and listening in silence.

I could hear- sobbing? Whimpering?

My heart jumped to my throat, I was terrified!

Terrified to think that- perhaps Don had hurt himself?

I rushed into the bedroom, and right before my eyes was the white room, stained with blood, splotches were scattered everywhere, on the bed, on the mirror, on the walls, and on the floor was a puddle, and a figure lying there, motionless.

It took me a few seconds that it was not Don who was lying in the pool of blood. It was Angel.

'_No._' Don was at the far wall, hugging himself, whimpering fearfully to himself, his hands and face in a bloody mess, but there was no sign of any inflected injury whatsoever, and he was sobbing, his green and brown eyes gazed my way, and his sobbing worsened.

"I- I- I'm- s- s- so- so- Sorry! I- I didn't- I co- couldn't- it- it was- I ju- just!" he stuttered, screwing his eyes shut, he let go of a heart wrenching sob, his jaw still fumbling, trying desperately to form an apology.

I stiffened, watching Angel's bloodied body lay before me, all I could do at first was stare in pure shock, but as soon as the scene sunk into my being, I marched towards her, slow and steady, and I examined the cuts on her back and sides. My mind tells me, from her blood stained clothes, the cuts on her clothes, and from the trail of blood dirtying her and Don, that she and the panicking turtle had embraced, but due to Don's clumsy claws, he had injured her when he had hugged her fiercely, accidentally cutting her, causing her to bleed.

She was not dead, but the pain had probably knocked her out cold, she was still breathing, slowly, though a little pale, but still alive. I hurried to the study desk and bash my hand on the emergency button, summoning the doctors.

Don was in a sobbing heap, blaming himself for her death.

I got up, walking towards him, he moaned loudly and I could make out his words, begging me not to come closer, not wanting to hurt me, sobbing and calling himself a beast, a murderer. It took too much out of me, to try and keep in the pain, but the tip of my nose and my eyes stung, and the tears just had to come down, I collapsed to my knees at his bundled form, and I wrapped my arms around him, hugging him tightly.

He struggled in fright, telling me he doesn't want to hurt me, and all I could do was shush him and hug him tighter, and I moved closer, cupping his face and tucking him under my chin, wrapping my arms around him protectively.

That only made him tremble and sob harder, his fleshy arm latching on to me, while hugging his robotic arm, not wanting to touch me with it. With hot tears trickling down our faces, he buried his face in my chest and let out a mournful howl, and the room was no longer silent, his remorseful brawling wrenched and tore my heart, I hugged him tighter.

The medical team arrived, but I tuned them out.

I have only one family who desperately need me right now, and I will protect him even if it kills me.

I'll never let go, he's all I have to live for.

I love him.

Xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

A/N: sigh…


	4. Chapter Four: Donatello

Chapter Four: -Donatello-

------------

I- I- I killed her!

Oh my God! I can't believe I **killed** her!

Sitting here, rooted into my spot, trembling and quivering in my shell, I just stared at her slumped body, where it lay on the red stained floor, the pool of crimson liquid spreading, absorbed by the rugs; the reek of blood filling the air, swirling around, reaching me like invisible hands, stroking my nostrils, uninvited, crawling down my throat, tingling my senses, twisting my inside, making me feel so ill!

I just sat there, fearfully watching her motionless body, she was limb and lifeless, she just laid there, not moving.

I- I- don't remember what I did to her, why I had hurt her like so!

A- all I remember was being overwhelmed by emotions, burying my face in her neck, wrapping my arms around her and hugging her tightly, feeling slightly protected by her presence alone; and then for a very long moment, she tightened her hold on me, before her body arched and she gasped, trembling, her arms loosened slowly, sliding off me, and fell lifelessly to her sides, releasing me from her hold.

Confused at her slump body, leaning a little over me, with her hands sliding off me, I released her as well, thinking that she needed a breath, fearing that I have held her too tightly, for I tend to lose the limit of my own strength most of the time; but when I released her, her body just- fell! Like a lifeless manikin, it just dropped with a sickening thud to the cold, hard floor, and there was blood!

So much blood…

And it's not even mine…

I realized then, when I saw her lifeless body lay on the cold, hard floor, with threads of red leaking from her body, forming a puddle of red on the white carpet below us, I knew that **I** killed her! My claws had dug into her body and she made no sound, not a squeak, not a yelp, not a moan, nothing! I- it silently killed her! I killed her! I- it- it was completely unintentional, but nevertheless! **_I_** killed her!

I dare not make a sound, I held my breath, watching her body slide off mine and drop to the floor next to me with that sickening thud. My breathing picked up the pace when the blood started oozing out, forming the brilliant red pool, drenching her clothes, the wetness stretching out and touching my legs, the salty, coppery reek of blood creeping even deeper into my mouth, tweaking my taste buds, crawling down my throat, the stench twirling in my guts, making me feel so sickened all over again.

If Bishop had not removed most of my inner origins, I would have barfed, but I can't, because I no longer have a stomach. Quite honestly, right now, I don't know if that had been a good or bad thing.

I don't know for how long I sat there, shivering and hugging myself, my eyes fixed on Angel's motionless body before me.

I trembled, for it felt like hours, but when April magically appeared in front of me and latched on to me in a hug, I panicked! I- I didn't want to kill her, too! Heck! I didn't even see her come into the room, and the men in white robes, yammering something about Angel's blood loss, the stitching that needs to be done, and the chance of her surviving after being so physically scarred wasn't helping me!

I've had enough of doctors to last me a lifetime!

No wonder Raph don't like them, all they ever do is poke and stab, and not give a damn if it hurt you or not!

Such a curious, sick, twisted imagination they have there, too.

When April held me in her arms, entrapping me and keeping me still under her hold, I panicked still, but it grew less and less the longer she pinned me down; because I didn't want to hurt her, to kill her. My fruitless struggle did not last for long, I cant explain it in words, but her warm, soothing touch calmed me a great deal, it put my mind to ease and slowly, I relaxed, her hands slipped from around my still shivering body, and one hand cupped my face and I took a few calming breathes.

"-e's fine, really! She's just knocked out!" I heard her say, and I perked.

"Angel?" I asked, my heartbeats throbbing in my head, I think the pump had accelerated again.

"She's fine." She soothed, though the trail of tears were evident on her cheeks.

All I could do was glance over her shoulder to where the fallen woman was, and the doctors were tending to her cuts, while one of them claimed that she will be fine as soon as they sew the cuts. It made me shudder, hurting a friend with my claws, it was never in my intention to be a killing machine, despite what Bishop had in mind for me.

He figured if he can't _make_ a slayer out of a copy of himself, than he will turn one of us, either me, our father or, and my brothers, into a slayer!

Or so he tried, until I wrung his frigin' head right off his frigin' neck!

God, I hate sharp objects; that's why I always used the Bo staff in battle. Anything that shines is, from now on, is on my black list! For the life of me, I still can't figure out how Sensei convinced me to trail with the sword when younger.

"Donny, focus on my voice." April spoke, her hands cupping my cheeks, her thumbs brushing my tear stained skin, she gently turned my head to face her, "Don't think, don't look away, just listen to my voice, okay?" she pleaded.

I swallowed and slowly nodded my head, closing my eyes for a moment, and when I opened them again, I was washed away with the wonderful realization that she was still there, that she didn't disappear like some sort of mirage.

She smiled, "Are you okay? Are you feeling alright?" she asked in that motherly tone I've missed so much.

"I- yeah, I'm okay." I breathed out wearily, "I- I'm sorry, I- I don't know- what came over me." I whispered, trying not to whimper, though the sobs from earlier were still choking my voice.

She smiles, "It's alright now." her arms wrap around me again, now hugging me, gently pulling me into a warm, compassionate embrace, "God, don't you zone out on me like that." she somewhat scolded.

"S- sorry…" I whispered back, not daring to lay a hand on her.

She rocked me in her arms, back and forth a little, as if I were a little child, and I did not feel one bit offended; instead, I felt very protected, I felt secure, it helped ease down my trembling body. I closed my eyes and rest my head on her shoulder, burying my face in her neck, breathing her wonderful scent I've missed so much! I wanted to hold her, to treasure her presence, but refined from doing so.

Her touch, it was so overwhelming, I didn't want it to stop, or fade away like those countless dreams I had during my imprisonment, I nuzzled her neck and smiled, just a little.

Though quite honestly, as much as I wanted to reach out my mentally pinned down arms, to hold her, to feel her, I was a tad bit still too afraid I'd shred her, like I've done to many others before, and like how I've done to Angel just now.

I really need to dull these claws, they've been nothing but a bother! They always end up ruining something or hurting someone, I hate it! I wish if I could just rip them right off!

"Is- she okay?" I dare ask, peeking from over April's shoulder, my emerald green, robotic eye fixed on Angel, the lens adjusting to the scene, as the men in white coats put her on a stretcher and carry her away.

"She'll be fine." April soothed, her hand caressing my head motherly, and then her hand slid down and cupped my shoulder, "She's used on getting several war injuries at once, and she'd dealt worse, trust me, she'll be fine."

"Are- you sure?" I asked fearfully, not convinced that Angel will be alright.

She smiled, "Yes, I'm sure! You're the one I'm worried about." She cooed.

I furrowed a bit, fighting the tingle in my cheeks, and then looked at her face, trying my best not to pay much attention to how pale and drained she was, "Um, you just- said something about- some war?" I questioned uneasily, "What war?"

She paused, furrowing in confusion, "The war with the Shredder, didn't you know?"

I gave a negative shake, "No, Bishop kept me pretty well isolated from the outside world, he'd tell me nothing but the date and time, nothing else." I told her, "And quite frankly, he's the only one who goes in and out of my holding chamber, he's the only one I've seen face to face, all the other scientists spoke to me through speakers or visual screens."

Her face paled even more, and somehow, that made me feel more ill.

She dropped her gaze a little, furrowing, clearly upset, and I can already guess what she's doing; she's probably cursing Bishop for keeping me in the dark. I sighed, relaxing a little more under her soft touch, and the way her hand rubs my shoulders, easing down my fears, the tension, it makes me feel so much better just being here with her.

How I want to lean my head on her, to touch her.

'… _to kiss her._'

She got up and a little bit too fast, it had me startled at her sudden movement, I jolted in my seat and jerked my chin up to look at her, blinking quizzically. Smiling in mirth at my jumpy reaction, she gestured for me to stand up, and then to follow her to another room, because another team of men in white arrived, wanting to clean up the blood that dirtied the bedroom.

At first, I was a little hesitant to actually try and standup. I was a little too shaky and feared that my legs would buckle up under my massive weight. After all, they're not as muscular and strong as they used to be. I mean, honestly, I'm over seventy five percent non-organic tissues; most of my tissues have been replaced by something metallic or bionic.

'_I never thought I'd ever say this, but God how I hate science!_' I gave a rueful shake.

A little clumsy, when I tried to stand, she reached down her hand for me, and I timidly accepted is. So with a hand on my knee, I, as slowly and painlessly as I could, pushed myself standing up, thought still wobbly, and my legs were hurting, the cylinder in my left leg was rattling still, still loose from it's bolts and needs to be tightened back on.

Inhaling slowly, closing my eyes and allowing the reek of blood to filter out my senses and mind.

After the seemingly easy action of standing up, no one really comprehends the sheer exhaustion and pain I go through **_just_** to try and stand! It takes the breath out of me, forcing my heart to throb through my veins, leaving me staggering for balance and for breath.

She held my hand and smiled, and I nodded in respond to her smile.

April wrapped her delicate, soft and fine, needle-like long, thin and frail, five-digit fingers on my green, three thick-fingered hand, and in reflex to her warm, soft, loving touch, my rough-skinned fingers intertwined with her soft delicate fingers.

As funny as it sounds, I fought the tingling heat that spread across my face, warming up me cheeks and forcing the corners of my mouth to twitch in a tiny smile, I still couldn't help but feel a little shy around her even after all these years!

Allowing her to tug gently on my hand, to guide me out of the bloodied bedroom, only now did I realize that I've come across many people who didn't pay much of attention to my presence, and it puzzled me, as odd as it sounds, that none of them was even startled at the sight of a half flesh, half cyborg mutant turtle walking around, I was very confused.

April tugged again, and I took a step, I swallowed a pained groan, ignoring the throbbing pain that startled up my calf, but endured it. I allowed her to pull me, not daring to voice out the pain or discomfort, yet dearly not wanting to move and hopefully, to stop and get the thing fixed. I doubted that it would be easy, seeing Bishop had spent so much on installing these creations of his into me, he had always told me they were of the finest material, and finding or providing similar replacement is a hassle, and demands a lot of funding.

Up until I found out that the president was mysteriously assassinated, and that a new power had taken over the United States, raging war against other countries, I began to wonder just- Where does Bishop got all of his funding from? With all the expensive and delicate equipment I –regrettably- force myself to bash, smash and destroy, I wasted a good fortune for him, and boy was he mad!

To see him all so ticked off, the pleasure was all the more worth the pain.

Ah, but I never got the chance to wonder where he got the money from for long, because that's when he decided to push all his other planes to later, and put me as a priority, not to mention toss me in his own little loop holes, or also known as the 'subjecting' cells, where he started tormenting me with the various colorful tests from that evil mind of his.

If there was ever a mad genius, it's defiantly Bishop, his imagination can be quite frightening at times.

"There you go." April spoke, her voice bringing me back to the reality, and I saw that we were standing in a ward, in front of a bedroom door, "We're here." She opened a door and extended her free hand into the dark room, she offered me to go in first.

Blinking, and hesitant, I gave a negative shake, Bishop had always locked in dark, small rooms, I hated them.

With a pout, she allowed herself inside, and I followed, still eyeing the darkness, and not daring to switch my cyborg eye to night vision mode.

April took a step into the room and then turned to face me, smiling, she said nothing.

I eyed around, throbbing pain in my legs forgotten, "Where- ?"

"You're in the Guests quarters; I don't want you staying at the rehab center all by yourself." She replied.

Feeling her fingers untwine and release my hand, I tried not to fret too openly, I didn't want her seeing me like a helpless little child, even if the warrior in me died a very long time ago, I didn't want her worrying for my sake.

I put on a small, uneasy smile and watched her nod, she flicked on a light, and the fluorescent lights illuminated the bedroom so brightly, it almost felt blinding. I squint my eye a little; I blinked, trying to clear my blurry vision, and slowly, the room came to sight.

It was bigger, homer and friendly, and obviously more colored!

With sandalwood brown floor and walls, decorated with a Turkish rug, there was even a fireplace! But there was no fire, and from the small stack of chopped wood in a nearby corner box, I'm guessing it's the traditional cabin-type.

There were two puny armchairs in soft, maroon purple, a rocking chair with matching lacing, with a checkered blanket on the seat in black and red. There was also a small, marble black coffee table, one small, white door at the backside corner of the bedroom, probably the lavatory, and a pair of very big, double glass doors at the other far side of the room, covered with the finest silken drapes, flourishing in various shades of crimson, dark purple and soft golden brown, so I figured the double glass doors, peeking from under the drapes, lead to a balcony.

It made me wonder how high up the street level this room was.

Glancing around, allowing my mind to take screenshots as backup, burning the new scene in my memory bank, and trying to discard April's position, there was also a double, king size bed with soft, light colored maroon sheets, pillows and blanket, with a small night light and desk, and a study desk nearby as well. All in all, it was nothing too fancy, all the furniture was placed more for the need and comfort than the need to decorate.

"Do you like it?" she smiled, hopeful, her hands on her hip.

I eyed her, taking note of her somewhat tangled, dark red hair, and smiled, she looked really cute like that.

She still eyed me quietly, keeping that sweet smile on her face.

I remembered that she wanted an answer, so I spoke, "Yes, it's- very nice."

She stretched her smile wider, flashing her teeth, "Wonderful! Then it's all yours!" she chirped.

At first, I nodded in silent gratitude, now slowly stepping deeper into the den of a room, "I- thank you." I thanked.

She flashed an even happier smile, her face coloring with a more lively touch, "Great! If you ever need or want anything let me know, okay?"

Shyly, I tried to ignore the tingling heat on my cheeks, and directed my gaze towards the bed, and with a- shall I say, childish feeling, I walked over, completely ignoring the throbbing in my legs, and sat down, feeling the mattress under my tail bounce me a little, the springs were so lean, they didn't even creek under my massive weight.

Inhaling slowly, I braced myself and toss-threw my legs up, now sitting with my legs outstretched on the bed, feeling the mattress under me bounce again and shake under the shift of weight, and I found myself chuckling.

It- it was a wonderful feeling, the laughing; I've missed it so dearly.

April climbed on the other side of the bed and then grinned even wider at me, suppressing a giggle, and I found myself looking back at her, taking note of how much she had changed, yet how much she still remained the same. A flood of emotions swelled and then threatened to burst in my chest, and I realized I was happily grinning despite the pang of pain in my chest.

For a fleeting moment, all the sadness and misery was washed away, and only joy remained.

But I knew that what comes fast, goes fast.

It's only a matter of time before the pain washes over me again, but this time I'll be ready, because this time, I'm not alone.

Looking at April, I now believe.

I'm no longer alone.

Xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

A/N: An update? Yeah... too short for my taste, though...


	5. Chapter Five: April

Chapter Five: -April-

------------

I grinned, watching him smile, listening to him laugh, it felt so wonderful.

At last, my mind is put to ease, and I know Don will be alright.

He was so very happy; the smile on his face lifted my spirit up high, bubbling and swelling inside of me, spreading in a wonderful sensation, like a flood. I was very pleased at his praise, complementing the room's simple, humble yet efficient decorations and style, talking happily and merrily about how big and comfortable it was, how much he liked it.

He pointed out a few things he'd like to add, like a workshop and other various items.

He mentioned that he'd like to have a bookcase, and, if available, with lots and lots of books, something he can pass time doing, seeing he no longer has a workshop for himself, nor a computer with internet connection, or even a simple deck of cards for that matter, plus that his room is currently free from any other type of entertainment; he even mentioned some specific book titles that were his favorite, books I've seen him read many times in his youth, long before he disappeared.

For a moment, the happiness and joy drained out slowly, but I kept on the smile, I began wondering to myself, debating, hesitating, wanting to ask him, '_Where were you all these years? Where did you disappear to?_' but I dare not voice it out loud, because I didn't want to toss his merry mode out the window, I didn't want to crush him with the unpleasant memory.

As if reading my thoughts, his laughter wavered, until he then just- stopped.

He inhaled slowly and then gently and carefully pushed his legs off the bouncy bed, but didn't get off, he sat on the edge of the bed, and I listened to him breath, slow and steady. There was silence, his gaze fixed on the floor as he placed his mismatched hands, cupping his mismatched knees, he paused, and then he slowly rose his head, inhaling a deep breath, before sighing loudly, he then turned his head my way, he eyed me with those mismatched eyes, the one in warm, chocolate brown, and the other in brilliant, robotic emerald green.

As freaky as it seemed, his emerald green, cyboric eye flickered, blinking, and he uneasily furrowed.

I blinked, swallowing a knot in my throat, "What- is it?" I dare ask.

"Did- I fail to mention that I have a low level of uncontrolled telepathic powers?" he said softly, though holding up that weary smile.

My heart skipped a beat, '_Oh my…_ God! Oh Don, I-" I fought the urge to just reach out and hug him.

He gave a negative shake, and kept on that soft, sad smile, "It's okay, really." He eyed his lap, and then gave a heavy sigh, "It- sometimes, it works on its own, on and off, on and off." He grumbled, then gave a negative shake, "I can't fully control it, or time it, I think it's one of them alien genes Bishop implanted into me." he then muttered something darkly to himself, but I couldn't catch what it was.

"Don," I began, but I just couldn't think of anything to say, I felt so- helpless!

He sighed softly, paused and then lifted his cyboric hand, clinching and unclenching the claws, "I really need to have these dulled; they're too damn sharp and cutup things way too easily." He murmured dejectedly.

I smiled weakly; understanding that he wanted to change the subject. Wanting to comfort him, I put my hand on his shoulder, not really trusting my voice yet, and in response, he shifted his fleshy hand up, placing it's over my hand on his shoulder, his fingers pressing ever so gently on mine, acknowledging and appreciating the comforting gesture.

We sat there on the bed, his hand over mine on his shoulder, and we relaxed.

After a long comfortable silence, I allowed myself to rest my forehead on the back of his shell, and in response, he sighed softly. I smiled, feeling his thumb brushing the back of my hand, over my knuckles. Just like his brothers, his skin is smooth and somewhat a mix between human soft and reptilian scaly, but with a cool touch, nothing uncomfortable, just cool.

He inhaled slowly and then lifted his chin, gazing around the room, he looked at the fire place and a smile curled on his lips, and then slowly, his hand slid down and off mine, now resting on his knee once again. Following his gaze, I smiled a little wider and eyed the fireplace, reminiscing on all the wonderful times and pleasant memories, I've shared with family and loved ones back at the farmhouse.

I paused and then turned my gaze from the fireplace to look at him, "Want me to start it?" I offered.

He closed his eyes, and smiled a little wider, and then turned to face me, "Yes, please?"

Giving his shoulder a friendly squeeze, I nodded and finally drew my hand off his shoulder and got up.

I walked off from the bed and towards the fireplace; it was the traditional cabin type, and I knew how to start one, so I easily grabbed a couple pieces of wood and tossed them in, then stood up straight and grabbed a little matchbox from over the fireplace's shelf, kneeling back down, I lit the match and tossed it in, and then grabbed the iron stick from it's place and poked the wood, allowing the tiny flame to spread.

I sat down on the floor for a while, my gaze fixed on the dancing, growing flames, but at the sound of his feet shifting off the bed, walking closer to me, then his body ever so hesitantly, knelt down, and with a slight, pained grunt, I'm guessing his muscles are still sore; he released a tight breath, slowly easing himself down, seating himself on his tail on the rug.

We shared a small smile, and relaxed in comfortable silence, appreciating each others presence.

I sat there, timidly, half eyeing the dancing, wriggling hot flames, half musing at the reflection of the flames, dancing against his metal plates, making him look like some sort of knight in shining armor. My exhaustion caught up with me, I felt my eyelids dropping, feeling weary and tired, so I stretched and yawned, allowing myself to lie next to him on the fine rug, his fleshy leg pillowed under my head. For a moment, I just laid there, and when his fingers touched my scalp, gently soothing back hair, stroking my stray hair away, I smiled happily.

It didn't take more than a minute before I fell asleep.

I never felt so at ease in so long.

….

Yawning mightily, sitting up, I stretched out my arms.

Forking back messy, stray bangs of red hair from my vision, I smiled sleepily, eyeing the ceiling.

Still lost in my sleepy, hazy daze, I rubbed my eye, pushing myself sitting up, and sleepily allowed my fingers to caress the blanket that wrinkled in my lap. I paused, blinked once, twice, and then looked around, realizing that I was in bed.

Don was soundlessly sleeping next to me, his flesh arm on my lap.

For a very long moment, I just stared like a dolt, trying to remember or register if I- or we, did something stupid last night, but all remembered was falling asleep, and then Don placing a hand on my shoulder, I think he was trying to wake me up.

I rubbed my eyes once more, and then looked down at myself. Fortunately, I was still dressed, just like how I was yesterday, so no, Don and I did nothing stupid last night, we just- just- shared the bed and kept each other warm.

'_We shared the bed._' I mused, only to have a strange, giddy feeling spread through me, oddly making me feel young teen again, and I felt heat tingling and prickling on my cheeks, teasing my old, wrinkled skin, warming it up, and I found myself pressing my fingers to my lips, suppressing a smile.

After all these years, and with my old age, I'm still blushing like a fool.

I gazed down at Don, he was smiling softly, snoring softly as well, and he looked so relaxed, with his metallic arm hugged to his robotic side, as to avoid puncturing himself with his own claws, his flesh arm still lay on my lap, his hand cupping my thigh.

I smiled and lay back down, I don't know why, but I felt so comfortable under his touch, to feel so wanted and needed by someone, I missed that feeling so dearly; it made me feel so alive.

Rolling to my side, facing Don's sleeping form, reaching out an arm, I gently placed my hand on his cheek, cupping it gently, my thumb brushing his seemingly lipless mouth, and his eyelid trembled ever so lightly. Either it be he was waking up or dreaming, I didn't know. Surprisingly, he then murmured under his breath, before he started snuggling closer to me, a little too close, and soon was burying his face in my neck. His metallic arm pinned under him, and his flesh arm wrapped over me, his hand pressing my shoulder-blades, pulling me closer and closer by every passing minute.

With my heart throbbing in my chest, gradually picking up the pace, and the heat invading my face, I bit my bottom lip and gently, as he snuggled into me, soon settling still, his head on my bosom. Ever so carefully, I tried to prey myself, or at least my arms, from his grasp, but he had a death grip on my blouse, and it didn't look like he was letting go anytime soon.

I decided that panicking and fretting wont help matters, and I need to compose myself, to relax.

But with the closeness and his hot breath on my throat, it was driving me insane!

I inhaled slowly, and carefully slipped my fingers under his arm, sliding my fingertips up his forearms, he twitched, ticklish, and I smiled, remembering faintly how ticklish Don was since young.

I remember how Raph used to brag about being the hardest one to tickle, that he's not ticklish, I even remember the time when Casey and Mike tied Raph to a chair and Mike did the tickling, but Raph wouldn't even twitch a smile!

He was not in anyway feeling ticklish.

Of course, Raph was pissed, once he managed to escape the ropes, and after a scream, run and tackle game of cat and mouse, he grabbed and tied Mike, when he still had both arms, by the wrists and ankles together like a helpless little cab in a rodeo, the hothead threatened his whimpering, apologetic brother with either a terrible spanking or a tickling, and Mike reluctantly chose the tickling, for the sake of sparing his tail the pain.

Comically, Mike was thrashing helplessly, as Raph tickled him halfway to death!

Poor Mike couldn't stop giggling for hours, even after Raph was done, no matter how he tried to bring back that flat, indifferent scowl that, for some time before, he kept on his face, his lips always seem to twitch and reveal a tiny smirk or a smile.

Same goes to Casey, though he was nursing wounds, he never escaped the tickling.

Unfortunately, Leo was blind at that time, while Raph was nursing his injured eye, he couldn't see them and their playful time together, even when Angel described the scene for him, I felt that it was just not enough.

Leo smiled at the sound of their laughter, despite the fact half his head, and eyes, were wrapped tightly with white, blush-red stained bandages. '_Well though I no longer have my eyesight, I still have my other senses, and hearing their laughter, is better than not feeling their presence at all._' He told me quietly, reasoning how he felt about his blindness, when I exclaimed how unfair it was for him to be blind, and not see how happy his family was being, he just kept that humble smile and nodded.

'_It's okay, just because I'm blind in my eyes, doesn't mean I can't see._' He said simply, repelling my argument.

I sighed softly, my hands free; I cupped Don's head, pulling him closer, as if to protect him from my dark memories, memories I wish to forget, but fully knowing that he'll ask about them sooner or later. I held him tighter to keep the dark past away, wishing to scare away the dark by thinking of the light. I nuzzled him to make him feel more secure, if not for my sake, then for his.

With a smile and a soft sigh, I kissed the top of Don's head, feeling his cool skin softly rub again my warm skin, I held him closer, listening to my heartbeats, echoing in my chest, resting my chin at the top of his head, despite the metal plate fixed into his skull with screws and nails. My fingers caressed his rough skin, and a smile stretched my lips.

I remember how I used to hug Mikey like this when he's feeling down and sad, '_I love getting hugs from pretty ladies!_' he once chirped, and I pinched his cheek, laughing; the naughty turtle.

'_Mikey_…' I missed his old self the most; when he turned so coldhearted, solemn and detached, he wouldn't even let me touch him in any type of comforting gesture anymore, much less comfort him with a hug.

I felt like a mother who lost her youngest child, it wrenched my heart, and I never could grow to fully accept his new attitude.

'_Face it, April! That childish fool, Mikey, is gone for good! Only Michelangelo remains!_' He once spat at me, voice dark, twisted with a snarl and dripping with hatred, I think I was so terrified, my heart almost stopped that day; he stormed out and off to somewhere, leaving me behind shaking like a leaf, sobbing my eyes out, no one but Leo by my side to comfort me.

Raph was not so pleased with his little brother, when he found out about the verbal assault, that he upset me and made me cry, toppled with his grief at Casey's passing, he and Mike fought for hours, beating the daylight out of each other, but with Raph's freshly lost eye and Mike's recently lost arm, it was not a very pleasant sight, not to forgot the fact that they were still nursing new wounds.

Leo was unable to stop them, hindered with his blindness, he pushed his helplessness aside and did his best to quill the fight, but he only ended up being dragged into the fight, verbally, and soon after a long, tiresome argument, it became physical; no more than a few hours later, Splinter was brought into the argument, and the big fight between Leo and Raph began, and the three brothers disbanded, blaming each other.

I remember a few days after that, Leo was still very and deeply hurt, emotionally, with both Mike's cold attitude and Raph accusing him of abandoning master Splinter. Raph never could get over the pain and turmoil of that accursed day, but with Mike's cold reaction, or lack of, to everything that happened, I didn't like it either, it was doing nothing but add stress to our daily lives.

Then again, I think that's when Raph and Angel's romantic relationship first began.

Abruptly, Don's body shifted, twitching slightly with a slight snort, as if he just woke from a disturbing dream.

I felt his non-mechanic arm slowly and shyly withdraw off my back, faintly caressing my clothes. It slowly slid down and rested on my hip, unintentionally sending a familiar longing shiver up my spine, a shiver I have not felt since Casey passed away. Pushing my racing thoughts aside, as he slowly pushed his head from my chest; I smiled motherly down at his sleepily blinking odd eyes.

I bit back a loud laugh when taking note the shift in color on his cheeks, his olive green, soft, pale skin turned an obviously faint shade of brown when he ducked his gaze, once he realized he had been resting his head on my soft chest during his sleep, but he didn't say anything, and I didn't mention it, he kept his gaze down as he pushed himself away from me, sitting up.

Pushing myself up as well, I eyed him, still smiling, and he was embarrassedly silent, rubbing the fleshy side of his neck, the corner of his mouth twitching with a smile, his lips moving, trying to find the words to voice out his thoughts, but they were never spoken.

Now that I have a better look at him, I can see that his body is quite the feat to take care of.

Don's head was just the same, but the left side of his head, including the eye and the corner of his mouth, were covered under a silvery, metallic plate, there were odd figures and symbols on the backside of his skull, but I have no idea what they are, but I'm guessing there could be a control panel of some sort there, and I cursed Bishop and his creativity.

His neck was fully metallic, fully covering the bottom side of his chin, as well as his throat, it was fully covered till meeting his collar bone, and with what looked like a silvery black collar. The collar had about eight ruby-like orbs circling and decorating it, with what looked like a dog-tag at the right side. I couldn't read what the tag said, the tag was very tiny, but what I see is just a number and a letter, it's not clear.

I didn't want to invade Don's privet space, so I let it go.

As for the orbs on his collar, I think they could be lenses or sensors of some sort. Also, there were three thick cords sticking out from the left side of his neck, from the collar, connected to the shoulder piece that covered his left shoulder. His plastron was fully metallic in soft grayish purple, like some sort of armor, I think. Looking more closely, it somehow looked removable.

I wondered if his heart was safe under that slab of iron.

Don's left leg was fully robotic as well, the thigh, calf and shin had armor like piece over them, the knee had a cap-like cover, and his foot had two hawk-like claws instead of toes, how disturbing.

I paused, realizing that Bishop had only fully turned Don's left body into a cyborg being, looking more like an exoskeleton, not just some sort of robot, while his right side was still mortal.

He sighed, and then looked at me.

I smiled, trying to make him feel more comfortable.

He licked his lips, and spoke, "April? Would it be too much to ask if- ?" he paused, unsure. I just nodded and gestured for him to ask, and he nodded slowly, eyeing the dying flames in the fireplace, "If- if you told me about my brothers, while I was gone?" at my blank reaction, for I had no idea what to feel or think, he continued, "Like, when did they figure out I was missing?"

Nonetheless, I smiled nervously, for I knew he'd ask.

I nodded, and settled down more comfortably on the bed.

I braced myself, for I knew this is going to be a long conversation.

Xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

A/N: I'd like to say something, but I don't want to spoil the fun, so yeah, review please!


	6. Chapter Six: Donatello

Chapter Six: -Donatello-

--------------

Somehow, I don't know if this telepathic ability is more a gift or a curse.

It's hard to keep someone else's thoughts out of your head, when you don't even know how it works.

I smiled tenderly at her, when she settled on the soft, puny bed. I tried to ignore the bouncy feeling when she shifted her weight, settling in her seat, buckling her legs under her in a familiar sitting position, it reminded me of master Splinter, just as he's ready for meditation.

As saddened as I feel, acknowledging his and my brothers' passing, watching April in that familiar pose, I knew that with my brothers gone, then my father, and mentor, had probably been long gone, long before they have passed on, for he would rather risk himself first to protect them, than to die before any harm had reached them, it had always been that way since we were very young.

I simply eyed her, quietly, complementing, with my memory bank already saving files, and I twitched a smile when she pouted, pulling at her hair, shaking her head as her hair flung into the air, in all it's beautiful length, dancing about in the form of scattered, multiple strands. I sucked in a slow breath, as I watched in melancholic nostalgia, as her beautiful, lusty dark red hair lashed about like a tattered silken sash before my very eyes. Her dark, red hair was just a little bit in a messy bun, before she flung her hair out; she had her fine, thin fingers forking back her messy hair, combing it primitively, smiling at me with a hint of shyness, and I just nodded in silence, my eyes rolling about her figure.

Her body had not changed much, despite her old age, though she's not so young and plump, or even as sweetly swollen and curved like before. Her shoulders seemed lengthier, less muscular and a little boner, slender, but that did not change the fact that she still had that long, beautiful, graceful neck, where a few strands of red hair curled and framed her cheeks.

With her hair smoothed back elegantly, fingered with her beautiful hands, she twisted gently it and then rolled it up, tucking it in that simple, single bun at the back of her neck again.

Honestly speaking for myself, I like April's hair better when it's down on her slender shoulders, draping those lovely locks over those elegant shoulders, for I think she looks younger, more adorable that way, I liked it a lot. There is also the braid, she looks marvelous with braids, single or twin, or even pigtails, I don't know why, I just think they look really cute on her.

"What are you staring at?" she asked shyly, arching a puzzled brow.

Blushing, I sputtered an apology, "Ah, s- sorry." I looked away embarrassedly.

There was a moment of silence, and a strange aura tickled my almost dead ninja-senses; unsure, I braced myself for courage, and then looked back at her. I furrowed in growing concern when I saw tears filling her emerald green eyes, I was also confused at the soft little smile that stretched on her lips. She's crying happily, but for what reason, I have no idea.

When she scooted closer to me, I stiffened involuntarily when she wrapped her arms around me, one around my neck, the other pressing on the remaining side of my shell, pulling my head under her chin again, hugging me tightly in that old, motherly gesture I've missed so much. In the beginning, I felt a bit alarmed and overly confused, hesitantly placing my hands on her sides, careful with the claws.

"April- ?" I whispered, worried, I felt her tears trickle down and drip on my fleshy shoulder.

"God… you're the same, you're still the same." She whimpered, sobbing and murmuring something unclear to me, more to herself, and buried her face in my neck, hiccupping and sniffling, "You never changed,"

I felt confused, wondering what she was talking about, but then realized what she meant.

Why would I _not_ change? It's true, I've suffered under Bishop's hold, and I fully know I'm never going to be the same ever again. I can not be the same Donatello she knew; I'm a new Donatello, a new and improved beast! Recreated and tamed, for the soul purpose of bringing death to those who dare cross Bishop's path! A mindless, soulless puppet!

But- if April feels so relieved that- to her, I'm still the same… I don't want to disappoint her. '_But I hardly even remember how I used to be._' I thought to myself in bubbling dejection and rage.

If there is one thing I've obtained while being Bishop's lab rat, it was the temper.

For a while, I treasured the temper, for it brought me a step closer in understanding a brother.

I sighed, kissing the side of her head gently, my fleshy hand pressed her back, pulling her closer to me, lovingly, protectively, I wanted to sooth away her pain, to make it all go away, but I knew such a task is close to impossible. My bionic clawed-fingers clinched a bit, responding to my anger, but I made sure they were away from April's body, careful with the shard edges.

Fortunately, I moved the claws away from her side just in time, when she was done shedding tears, and pulled herself up, rubbing then away with the balls of her fists, we saw that the side of her blouse had been ripped, my claws had gone through the thickness of her clothes like a hot knife through butter, exposing her pale-pink skin.

"Ah, my! When you said they were sharp, I didn't think they were this sharp!" she blinked, flustered at the fact that her side was showing. She smiled, "Heck, I haven't flashed any belly skin for a good few years now." She smiled at me.

I looked at her, she was smiling a bit, I felt confused, so I spoke, "April?"

She smiled wider, as if nothing happened, "Yes?"

I searched her eyes, but I detected nothing, nothing but sincerity, "Ah, nothing."

For a moment, she eyed me, confused, but didn't press.

Stepping off the bed, she walked over towards a dresser and pulled at one of the drawer handles, tugging it open, her hands reached in, searching, before tugging out what looked like a sweat shirt, she unfolded it, and I saw it was just a shirt. When she turned at me and smiled shyly, doing a circular motion with her free hand, asking me to run around, I felt my cheeks instantly warm up, my heart leaped into my throat, and my eyes widened. Nervously, I shifted my legs about, and turned around and put a hand over my eyes.

"Sorry, but my bedroom is a half hour drive away, and I don't really want to waste time." she told quietly.

"Ah, I understand." I replied, trying to calm my racing heart, '_It's all because of my dumb claws._' I told myself.

I simply listened to the sound of her blouse being unbuttoned, then falling to the floor with a soft rustle. I swallowed, heat warming my face, my imagination going wild, tightness growing in my shrinking shell. I tried to ignore the sounds, but thanks to the bionic side of my head, Bishop had installed a super sensitive sensor, it can help me catch the faintest whisper, can record it, too!

"That's better." She said with a hint of a smile in her voice, and when the bed shifted, I realized she had sat down in her previous spot again, I could easily feel her eyes on me, "You can look now, Donny." She announced.

Hesitant, I moved my hand away and craned my neck just a little, seeing the grey shirt, I sighed to myself, then slowly shifted, turning to face her fully again, "Sorry about that." I apologized, eyeing my clawed hand again.

She gave a negative shake, "We'll deal with that later." She moved a delicate hand, placing it on my metallic knee, "For now, I think we just need to talk, to catch up on things, for old time's sake." She smiled.

I nodded, "Yeah, I'd like that." I sighed, a little uneasy.

I know that my brothers and I have always relied on each other, in our youth, but ever since Bishop grabbed me, drugged me and tossed me into that small, empty room, all by myself, I can not recall how many times I tried to escape, but fail. I was desperate enough to have tried to rid myself, only to have him strapping me to a bed, eyeing me coldly. I realized that by every failed attempt of suicide, a new metallic object finds its nest inside of me, and an organic part is gone. I was driven insane, after a few more surgeries, I couldn't stand it, I just wanted to die so badly!

Sensei, he taught me and my brothers the value of life, that no life should be taken, no matter what's the cause, that we need to risk ourselves to help those who are in need. But, around then, grasped tightly in Bishop's merciless clutches, I knew death was my only ticket, to be away and escape, for after enduring so much, I knew, deep down inside, that death was my only ticket out of my predicament. I knew, for an unspoken fact, my brothers had no lead to where I was, they couldn't help me, even if they wanted.

"-ten to my voice!" April piped out, and I blinked, her hands tight on my shoulders, shaking me gently, "Donny? Can you hear me?" she pleaded, worry and fear bright in her emerald green eyes.

"Ah, y- yes! I'm here!" I breathed out, startled at the fact my chest rose and fell, my heart was racing.

"God, don't you dare do that to me again!" she chided gently, sighing in relief.

I blinked, paused and then furrowed, "I went semi-catatonic, didn't I." I stated, worried.

She eyed me now, her eyes filling with tears, she hesitated for a moment before she spoke, "-since when?" she asked fearfully.

"A long time ago, I guess." I sighed, recalling the first time I blanked out, a moment before the surgery even began, and I shuddered. "Some time after enduring Bishop's first few surgeries."

"Donny- !" She breathed, her hands squeezing my shoulders a bit tighter.

"Sometimes, the pain is so intense; I just find myself either blacking out or, well, this." I shrugged a shoulder, feeling a cool shiver prickle my skin, "It- it's not that bad, at least when I wake out of it, I don't remember what exactly he did to me." I let out a small strained laugh, "It- it's like my only escape rout from the pain, you know? It helps, just a little, makes it more bearable."

She lowered her gaze, her hands still on my shoulders, squeezing a little harder. I sighed when her tears pooled in her eyes again, and I cursed myself, letting her cry so many time in one day, it's not good for her! I knew that telling her to forget it, that it's nothing, that it doesn't matter anymore wont really work. I mean, hey! This is April O'Neil I'm talking about! She's about just as stubborn as Raph and Casey put together!

I perked, "Oh, I never got around asking," I put a little smile, hoping it'll pull her out of her sadness, "How's Casey? Is he here?"

Her eyes widened a bit, but then she smiled and shook her head, "No, Donny." She said at first, her hands sliding down, off my shoulders and on my chest, she paused for a moment, eyeing her hands on my plastron.

A sense of dread washed over me, and I just _knew_ I asked a very dumb question, "April, if you don't want to talk about it, I understand." I offered, not wanting to see her hurt anymore.

She shook her head, smiling a bit, "It's alright, Casey, he- died a little after master Splinter did." She told, a moment passed and she brushed her thumb over my plastron, reminiscing, "It was on a failed infiltration mission, he and the guys were trying to search for holes in Shredder's defenses, thinking that if they managed to do so, getting him with his own technology would pay off somehow, that somehow they could make it all backfire for their benefit, but they were lacking the technology to sneak in, seeing Leatherhead was badly injure around that time."

"Where- is he now?" I dare ask, fearing if the crocodile had met his end as well.

"He passed away a short while after, the wounds he suspended were far too great, professor Honeycutt tried to help, when he was still with us, but the Shredder caught him in an ambush, and dismantled him, installing the professor into his own fortress, thus making his defenses much, much stronger than before." She sighed, sorrow showing clearly on her face.

I reached up my hand, gently curling my fingers over her hand, nodding slowly, urging her to continue.

She nodded in reply, smiling a bit, "The guys, they were trying to contact the professor, or what was left of his self-conscious mind, Shredder pretty much overwrote the professor's data, manipulating him for his own use." She frowned; closing her eyes, taking in a breath, she then continued, "The guys, they were caught half way through hacking the system,"

"How? Who did the hacking?" I couldn't help but ask, thinking that if both Leatherhead and the professor were missing, then who-?

At my question, April grinned a bit, "It was Raph."

I stared at her, wide eyed and surprised, "Raph?" I doubted it.

"Yes, Raph." She tilted her head, smiling still, "He had personally trained with Angel and I to do that task, everyone entrusted him with it, seeing Mike was missing an arm, and Leo was turning blind," she inhaled slowly.

I wanted to request a chronicled journal, starting from when I disappeared, how they coped with it, the death of my beloved father, the injuries my brothers suspended, their disbanding, until the fall of the shredder, but decided otherwise. April can tell me the tidbits in her own pace, I don't want to rush her, and I can just as easily put the pieces together, if it will makes her more comfortable.

She licked her lips then spoke again, continuing the tale, "but, unfortunately, Raph, he was somehow caught, a little before successfully hacking the defense system, he told me he was only two digits away from cracking the system, and they had to escape, and that was when Casey was killed." She informed briefly, "That day, Raph lost his left eye, but he really didn't care about it, he said he deserved it, because he let Casey die."

I nodded in silent grief. I know Raph, he would naturally blame himself for something like that. Heck! If I were there, and someone died, I'd blame myself, too! To do a task, knowing that failure is not an option, that what you're doing is a matter of life and death, it's heavy, very heavy! The trust, sometimes it's such a heavy burden; it makes you wish if you could only- just throw it away.

But then, I smiled, thinking that none other than my hotheaded brother, the anti-technology type of guy, with that '_When all else fails, get back and down to basics!_' rule of his, Raph and tech stuff never mix, he preferred working with the basics, as in kick now, ask questions later, than to work with the complex and delicate necessities of technology.

He argued that he can't understand the confusing _thingamajigs_, that they're alien to him. I smiled, warmth spreading inside of me, telling me that all was not lost, I guess me pestering Raph and teaching him how to use a computer, without crashing the screen, bashing the keyboard, or even stabbing his Sai into the hard drive, or worse yet, misplacing the wires, came fruitful after all.

Now, if only I could say the same about Mike and Leo.

Mike kept snacking, dripping juice and coke on and into the keyboard, he kept downloading videogames, and unintentionally downloading viruses along the way, by simply not reading the description, or being to psyched to scan the items for virus infections. Sometimes, he'd leave multiple web pages open, most are quite questionable, too!

Leo, on the other hand, was the most civil of the three!

Leo would only open a few pages at a time, though I keep telling him to leave the filtering option alone, he sometimes doesn't listen, causing a few sites to get blocked, inaccessible, '_It's for Mikey's own good!_' he'd say, Bah! What does he know! Well, at least he knows how to not trash the keyboard or download insecure items, if he did any downloading at all, Mikey had always been the one to massively download too much, eating away the computers bandwidth! He caused a system crash twice in the same day!

"Donny?" April called gently, her hand cupping my cheek, gently lifting my head up, "You there?"

I closed my eyes for a moment, sighing and furrowing sheepishly, I smiled, "Sorry, I tend to zone out a lot."

She huffed a small smile, "It's okay, as long as you're still here with me, and not with your head up in the clouds." she smiled sweetly.

I chuckled, "Actually, I kind of miss having my head in the clouds." I admitted, shrugging slightly, '_Reality was less painful._'

She tenderly caressed my cheek, smiling a little wider, "Sometimes, as do I."

Before I realized it, I've reached my arms out to hug her, and she hugged back, holding me real tight. I smiled and nuzzled her neck, it make me feel so much at home, it's a feeling I've missed so dearly.

Even if things don't work out, right now, or during the next few days, I know that it'll only be a while before they do. I trust April, and if she thinks I had not changed, then maybe I did, in way, remained who I am, despite what Bishop had done to me.

If so, then I wish to remember who I am, who I was.

For her, I want to stay the same.

Xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

A/N: very short, sorry, I'm just being brain dead…


	7. Chapter Seven: April

Chapter Seven: -April-

--------------

I'm glad he came back, to me- to us! I'm glad he's here with me.

I wrap my arms around his thinned neck and hug him, holding him tightly yes tenderly, is if he'd brake, and smile.

I've missed him so dearly, his calm, kind and comforting presence, his soft, warm and friendly smiles, his compassionate and understanding voice, his overall calming character, I missed him so much!

Donatello, he has no idea what it was like, when he first vanished, gone without a trace! But I also know it will be hard, to try and explain to him what had happened in full details, because personally speaking, I do not know the whole story. Leo, Raph and Mike were the ones who first noticed it, that their brainy brother was gone, missing, and they only told me about it, many and many days later, when they were desperately frantic in their wild search, unable to find him in any of his familiar lurking places.

Composing ourselves, Donatello and I, we settled on the cool, comfy and bouncy bed, appreciating each others touch with silent gratitude, and I knew as much as I'd want the touch to last much, much longer, the game of twenty questions would most likely start, very soon, I just hope Donny is well enough to join, because I know some questions will open buried wounds.

As much as I'd hate to have this conversation, I know Don, my Donatello, the same Donatello of my past youth, he is not the type of man, or turtle, to avoid physical or mental confrontations, not when he knows there is no escape, but to face them with courage fight, even if the possibility of ending it, by losing the battle, it inevitable.

When he pulled back from his gentle, comforting hold, he smiled, "I'm- ready." he murmured softly.

I nodded, figuring he must've read something from my mind, but I didn't mind. Bracing myself for courage, and in hope that I won't brake into tears, or choke during the tale, I spoke, "Where- do you want to start?" I dare ask.

He debated for a moment, lowering his gaze down to our laps, and gently pulled at my hand, his thick, green thumb brushing gently over the back of my hand. I saw a tiny smile curve on his face, relaxed and gentle, as if reminiscing about the old, beautiful memories. We remained like that, hand in hand, gazes low and silence encircling us, calm and comfortable.

"Where ever you want, it doesn't really matter." He finally said, soft and indifferent.

With my hands holding his, I nodded slowly, "Alright."

I remember, as I told him the tale, I remember the details, not too clearly, since they were from so very long, long ago, but I knew that I can not afford skipping details, if I remember them correctly, or even faintly, because he'll be able to read my mind anyway, so I might as well come out honest and clean, and tell him everything I know, whether the bits of information are welcomed or not.

Inhaling, calming my heart, I began the tale.

"It all started thirty five years ago, when you first disappeared, Donatello." I began, remembering that cold, dark day, "I was in my shop, Casey was with me, he was helping me sort out the inventory." I paused, licking my lips, trying my best to remember all the details and skip nothing, "Angel had gone over to the lair to ask you guys to come over and help, she was barely gone for an hour or so, I think."

I paused again, faint flashes, memories started blinking in the back of my mind, in an odd, flash-of-memory or a dream-like way, it confused me, their abrupt flashing, but I chose to ignore it, "But, when she came back, she said no one was home, she was pretty worried, thinking that something must've happened." I gave a negative shake, quietly cursing myself for being so merry, brushing away her fears like that, as if they could never happen, I was so wrong, so dead wrong, and I regretted it very badly.

"I told her that you boys were probably out on a practice run, training, or probably just fooling around, or fighting crime somewhere," I looked at him, but he never matched my gaze, he kept his mismatched eyes on our hands, fingering my hand gently, so I decided to continue, "I didn't pay much of mind to it, because you and your brothers, you had come over the night before at my place, after Casey gave me that scare, remember?" I paused for a moment, smiling wistfully, allowing the memory to surface.

Fortunately, he remembered, and he grinned, a thin line of white flashed from between his lips, before he sealed them again, smiling cheekily, and nodding his head, he looked up at me with a humble little smile, "Yes, I remember!" he held back a merry little chuckle, mirth was clear in his voice, "You mean the time he jumped you, and you clobbered him with his own hockey stick, because he said you wouldn't stop bragging, about how good you have gotten, after training with Sensei?" he smirked, arching a brow.

I was tempted to pinch his cheek, for that cheeky remark, but refined from doing so; instead, I suppressed a grin and sent him an obviously good-natured, playful, stern glare, and he blinked cutely in reply, smothering a smirk of his own. he dropped his gaze and continued staring at my hands, fingering my skin gently and carefully, reminiscing, I think.

I laughed and gave a negative shake, "Yes, that was when it all started." I grinned, suppressing the said grin, and then I continued, sobering up a bit, after recalling the dark memory.

He squeezed my hand a bit, and when I looked at his face, he smile kindly, urging me to continue, despite the bright glow of his bionic eye.

I nodded, closed my eyes, took a death breath, and braced myself for courage again, before releasing my breath and eyeing him.

"The next day, you guys came over, and you weren't there, Donny." I fought the furrow that twitched between my brows, and felt his hand squeeze mine just a little tighter, in silent comforting, "When I asked Leo, he said you and Leatherhead were busy elsewhere, something about studying some sort of new armor, some Entity woman gave you." I furrowed, a bit confused and uneasy.

In all honesty, I was irked, as to whom or what that woman was, seeing none of them was willing to tell me who she was, but I decided not to prey, that if I wait, they'd tell me when the time is right, but the right time never came, and I never knew who she was.

"I didn't really want to think much of it, no matter how it bothered me, I knew you were going to be busy for a few days, before you came over for a visit again, just like you'd always do, so I didn't rush it." I sighed, growing a bit uncomfortable, but feeling his thumb brushing over the back of my hand was comforting me, begging me to continue, to tell the events that only I know of, "But, then a week or so later, Leo came back, he was worried, and he asked me if I have seen or heard anything from you, during the past few days, and I said no."

"That- was around the time, I was with Leatherhead?" he asked, puzzlement clear on his face, and his tone of voice, "T- that can't be! That's impossible! I didn't stay more an hour or so, I left Leatherhead's home, and directly got back to our lair, but I didn't see anyone," Donatello argued, sounding confused, "I waited and waited, but no one came, I got a little worried, so I decided to call them, but none of them answered their cell shells, so I got really worried, I went out looking for them, I- !" he paused, dropping his gaze.

"Donny?" I gripped his hand, as tightly as I could, his pupil turned to a dot.

A horrified expression washed on his face, "I- I don't believe it, it was- ? It was all a big, freakin' stupid- ? I don't believe it!" he moved his hands, letting go of me, and pressing his palms to the sides of his head, muttering.

"Donny! Listen to my voice!" I begged, clutching his shoulders, shaking him gently, "Donny!"

There was no use, he went catatonic, a blank stare on his face, body motionless.

I gripped his shoulders a bit tighter, gritting my teeth and frustration building inside of me,worried for his sake.

I hadn't quite understood what he meant, but I'm guessing he figured it out long before I do.

Whatever happened after that worried me, because to me, the last time I saw Donny, was that day they all gathered at my apartment, when we sat at the table, drank hot chocolate and chattered about the guys' first experience in going topside, despite Splinter's warning, meeting a kid and trying to turn him into a ninja. It irked me to no end, to- where had everything gone wrong? When did it all happen?

Donatello, please come back to me, please tell me you're alright.

Please, please! Donatello! Please!

Don't leave me!

….

I sighed heavily, watching him sit there on the bed, unmoving, his hands resting still on his legs.

It had been a good half hour since his catatonic state started, and it was already morning, I need to get back to work.

I sighed heavily again, a wild cyclone of emotions and needs was swirling inside of me, and I started feeling the uncomfortable tightness in my chest, squeezing the muscles and draining away my positive energy, making me feel so- tired! Depressed, and completely un-devoted for anything! I needed to sort out my feelings, so do the right thing, but-

But, alas, my job as mayor to the city of New York comes first, I don't have much of a choice!

With a heavy hearted sigh, I pushed myself up, off the seat, and headed towards the study desk, there, I tugged at a notepad, grabbed a pen, and wrote him a note, that I had to leave, that I have a job, and as much as I need to stay with him, the city needs me, that I cant really stay for too long. I was regretting it, as I wrote it down, I knew Don would probably be devastated, when he wakes and doesn't see me here, but I hoped- wished, begged that when he does wake up, he'll understand that I have too many responsibilities now.

I eyed him once more, before daring to go closer, pressing my lips to his cheek, kissing him softly. "I'll be back as soon as I can, I promise." I caressed his cheek, his mismatched eyes never faltered, never acknowledging my presence.

'_If silence was deafening, it'll probably be too loud for me to bear._' Raph once told me, and deep down inside, I knew what he meant, for sometimes, the silence can hurt more than noise, like now, with Donatello and I.

With another sigh, I pushed myself off the bed and soon out of the bedroom; tugging at my cell phone, I made a call, wanting a body guard of two to keep Don company, incase he woke up and needed help.

As I strode down the ward, wanting to head out of the health center building, and back towards my office, I dialed another number, calling Tyler, asking him to report at my office, and to check on Angel. When he told me she was already awake, I froze in my tracks and did a full turn, striding my way back towards the infirmary central, where Angel was taken.

I hoped she was alright, I know that Don didn't mean to hurt her, I just wonder if she understood that.

Angel is like a daughter or a little sister to me, sure we weren't this close before, but we really cared about each other.

She had always been there for me and the guys, when Don disappeared and master Splinter passed away, and no sooner did Casey follow, leaving me behind and alone, with an injured, traumatized Mikey, seeing Raph and Leo were elsewhere, the brothers were disbanded.

I have tried my best to be there for her when Raph died, five years ago, but somehow, I felt that I was only making it worse, for she'd usually look at me with a sad smile and shake her head, saying no.

Sometimes, I wonder, if it was ever written for them to have that child, would it have made any difference?

Their child was barely two years old, and Raph named him Jin, which means 'human' or 'person' in Japanese, he was Raphael's most cherished treasure, his true pride and joy, and Raph had hope, that his son would, one day, continue the legacy of Splinter, with integrity and honor, to aid him in battle, to make him proud, to take down the Shredder, to free their world on that alien's inhuman wrath.

Jin, he was such a marvelous little child, with soft, forest green skin and, brownish purple hair, his blurry blue-grey eyes and bratty tantrums were a clear sign of his father's side of the family. That innocent little child, Hamato Jin; Hamato Raphael Jin, in our eyes, he was the only living, breathing proof, that Raph needed, that clearly stated, humans and mutant can live alongside each other, in peace and understanding.

Unfortunately, happiness and joy never lasted long, no more than a week or two, after Jin's second birthday, as our home was attacked, and Jin was taken from the arms of his mother, despite Mike's intense and frenzied protection, but Mike was disabled with multiple injuries during the merciless battle, separated from Angel, and the child never made it out alive.

The Shredder bombed our previous base, an old pumping station at the abandoned parts of the old Central Park, and he had ruthlessly injuries many, it was a massacre, he killed every living person in sight, seeing no difference between combat-ready, full fledged soldiers, and the innocent, helpless refuges, old people, women and children, who were haplessly hiding, seeking protection.

The shredder killed them all, including, Raph and Angel's only child.

That's the reason Raph and Angel divorced, it was his wish, and she had fought to kept them together, she even slapped him right on the face, leaving a hand mark to boost, but he didn't budge, though hurting, rejection and the pain f being misunderstood glittered in his eyes; they argued, only to have her surrender in the end, complying to his request.

She asked him, why did he want to separate, and he told her, he said that- he didn't want to have another child, who will only follow his brother to the grave, a child who would never grow up in a safe world, a world where he has no future, no happiness, to be denied the right to grow up the way he wanted, to be forced to become something like a mindless, heartless solider, instead of living his youth like a normal, innocent, carefree child, playing and laughing, enjoying life and worrying about silly, kiddy things.

Raphael, he didn't want to have another child, who would only be sent to the grave after his lost sibling, not again, not anymore. '_I will not bring another child to this wretched world, not when I know his birth will mark his death! Never will I want to bury another son! Never!_' he cried, tears hot and raining down his face, Raphael shouted at us, even with his croaked voice, but mostly at Leo who confronted him at that time.

Raphael was hurting deeply, deeper than any of us had thought, mentally and physically, he was being mercilessly tortured, it was something beyond his ability to suppress, to hid and overcome. He ended up into a broken, sobbing heap, burying his face in Leo's neck, muttering and pleading, asking forgiveness for he had failed to protect a son, as well as a father.

It doubled his sin, his grief, his self hatred, it tore him apart, and there was nothing for us to do but let him vent it out.

Raphael would storm out, he'd tear down Foot fictions on his own that are on scouts, he'd bombard their base, he's ruthlessly and unfeelingly chop them down, in number or size, in any way he can, with or without his tantrums to boost his hate. Raphael was becoming more and more cold and ruthless, like a machine, it terrified Angel and I, but neither Leo nor Mike dare to stop him or interfere.

Mike claimed that it was not his business, that it's Raph, and Raph deals with his problems his own way, that we'd better not stick out noses or snouts where it don't belong, or Raph will just take us out as well. Leo, on the other hand, wanted to help, being the loving, hurting, understanding brother that he was, but he knew that Raph won't listen to him, not ever, since their father died.

The brotherly bond between Leo and Raph got worse back then, it reached the breaking point, it was bad to the point that they both can't rest, they couldn't sleep, eat or even breathe, while knowing they were sharing the same building.

It pained me, it pained me so much.

My only comfort from all of that, was that Angel and Raph were still in love, it softened Raph's angry, ruthless hatred a few notches when she's around, a clear sign that he still loved her dearly. I knew that much, but ever since Jin's demise, I did take note Mike's harsh personality had softened a faint notch, for them, Angel and Raph, and for Leo.

Mike loved his nephew, on rare occasions they'd even play together, and I'd see Mike smiling for a change, instead of that cold, indifferent scowl on his face, and that gave me hope. Mike was still the loving, kindhearted turtle I once knew and loved, even if the Mike I knew, was now under layers and layers of harsh words and an icy-frozen, steeled-stoned heart.

Leo was devastated at Jin's loss, the child was the only reason, he and Raph never tried to fight each other till the end again, and as much as Angel, myself and Mike were tired of it, we knew the child's loss was painful to all of us, especially his parents.

Angel tried to get back to normal, she even tried dwelling more and more into missions, despite Raph's orders to ease down and stop stressing herself, he so cared for her, and it shows no matter how hard he tried to hide it; she'd ignore him, when he tells her to stop and get some rest, but whenever her injuries are too achy, hindering her movements, to be out on a mission, she'd surely be at either the planning division, helping the teams there plan their tactics, or at the refuge, helping the injured, and, or orphaned children.

Raph used to go there often too, they used to bump into each other, too often, but when he saw that he and Angel had had way too much in common, after the loss of their child, he slowly tired to distance himself, despite our pleas, he relocated himself at the outskirts of the city, someplace at lower Manhattan, and only Angel and I were allowed to contact him, if we ever needed help.

Sometimes, at night, when I'm out on a scouting, I find them, Raph and Angel.

I try not to eavesdrop, but the mother-hen side in me worries for them, so sometimes I find myself lingering about, listening, watching, hoping for a hint that they'll be alright, before I either slither away, as stealthily as I could, or I'd goof and one of them, or both, would notice my presence; sometimes I manage to flee, some other times I don't, and I'd be lucky if they don't chew me though when they catch me.

Mike used to warn me, telling me that I'd really have to leave them alone, that I'm just being a pain, and that I should back off. His words hurt me, but I tried to hide it, he never knew just how deep his words had stabbed me.

As much as Raph brushed it off, calling me a worry wart, Angel sometimes calls it being nosy, meddling into their lives.

I know Angel was hurting back then, she never meant to say those words to me, and I completely understand her feelings, really, I do! I was going to be a mother too, until that day when I got injured, and I realized I had lost a child, I never knew I carried.

I was shocked, for it was barely two months since Casey had passed away, and I never knew I was pregnant with his child, not until the pains started, and I had to remove the dead child from inside of me. I lost the child, long before it was even in the fourth month, and I was depressed to tears. The only part of Casey left was inside of me, in my very core, and I was too busy fighting my battles to even notice!

If it had not been for Leo, I would have been hanging from a ceiling, with a rope around my neck, thirty years ago.

But there is no point in dwelling too deep into the painful past, I need to keep moving, for now I have a future, and I still have Donatello, Angel and many, many others to look after, a whole city to be exact, so there is no time for remorse, no time for reflecting memories that would only hinder our lives, I need to keep the positive thoughts on the surface, to bury the negative thoughts deep down and away.

Finally arriving at her bedroom door, I took in a deep breath, bracing myself for courage, collecting my scattered thoughts, and then knocked on the wooden door, and her voice answered me, allowing entrance.

Bracing myself again, trying to hide my feelings, I smiled, gripped the doorknob and turned it.

I entered, pushing all the dark memories behind, for now, I have a sister to care for.

Xxxxxxxxxxxxxx

A/N: YES! I updated! Sorry for the long wait, but I was a bit blocked, with the path I should take, and I think I have this story pretty pinned down now, I'm not sure how many chapters it'll take, but I'm estimating it might be somewhere between 15 and 25 or 30 chapters max, so stick with me, okay!


	8. Chapter Eight: Donatello

Chapter Eight: -Donatello-

-----------

I remember, I remember it.

We were elected with excitement, we completely lost track of time.

I was at Leatherhead's place, in his small lab, watching the result on the computer screen, revealing the genetic script, of whatever substance we had placed on the test plate. It was a late, rainy night, we were working on a newly improved formula, we've extracted out of the heat-resistant, Hercules-beetle designed, crystallized armor Versallia had given us, my brothers and I, a few days earlier.

There was a strange substance on the inside of the suited armor, colored a faint shade of jade blue-green, and when Leatherhead and I sacrificed one of the armors, tearing it to layers and pieces, dissecting it, I realized that there were channel-line-like veins inside, as if the suit was alive! It was something like a blood cycle in a living organism, just less complicated and with not so many tiny, hair-thick roots.

The system looked like it could support a living, breathing person on it's own, I even slipped into one, and a sense or nostalgia washed over me, I don't know why I never felt this before, the first time I wore the armor, but I guess I was thinking of something else at that time, that's why I never took note how- alive! The suit felt so very alive!

It was absolutely mind numbing, in a thrilling kind of way!

I think there was something like a life-support system inside the blood-cycle system as well, for I've taken note there were many, many tine nodes scattered in a pattern on the inner side of the armor.

My knowledge of pressure points told me, they were there to press against a certain nerve, probably to make it more comfortable or to trigger something, a reflex or a sense, depending on what move is made, while wearing the armor, and depending on the intensity of the action. Interesting. I weren't too sure about that theory, because Leatherhead and I never tested it that night, but that was when we found it, a small canister of some sort, near the back-armor, tucked carefully between the folds, for both protection and support.

There was a strange fluid there, inside the canister, and Leatherhead and I did a few tests on it, only to realize that it was mixed with our sweat, when we had worn the suits the first time, because of the heat that emanated from our bodies, the tight, clamped leather-like feeling of the suit's fabric absorbed the wetness, keeping us dry, yet cool.

It looked like there were nodes on the inside of the suite, they differed in color and size, but the pattern was the same.

These nodes absorb the heat and sweat, it seems, sucking them into the armor, then pumping them into some sort of circulation system, like the cooling system in a fridge, you could say, where by, or for some strange reason, the faster the liquid flows, which was originally inside the system, and the thicker the sweat is, causes the temperature in the suit to cool down slowly and gradually, depending on it's occupant's activity, thus keeping the body temperature down, instead of heating up with continuous activity, for the lack of air vents.

Such technology! It was so amazing!

Well, after all, Versallia gave us the suits or armor to protect us from the lava beasts, so it's only natural that it'll keep our bodies cool, despite being cold blooded reptiles, to keep out the heat, and prevent us from ending up into a molted heap.

I remember that day, Leatherhead and I lost track of time, and I worried about getting home late, seeing I had to be there by dinner time.

I finished whatever it was I was working on, and hurried back to the lair.

During my hasty pace home, I couldn't help but sniff a strange, unfamiliar scent in the air, and I was dizzy for a moment, but then brushed it off, thinking that I was probably just famished. I was growing more uneasy as I already was, the closer I came to the lair, expecting an annoyed Mikey, a worried Leo and an indifferent Raph, admonishing me for not calling, and coming home so darn late, missing dinner, the practice sessions we were supposed to have and the like. Sensei doesn't usually admonish me, unless he's tired of me coming home so very late, he knows how I lose track of time.

When I arrived at the lair, I was met with silence, it was- eerie.

At first, I checked the kitchen, but there was no one there; the dojo and monitor area were empty as well, so I thought they were at April's, or maybe even at Casey's, so awaited for a good hour, and when there was no sign of them either calling or coming home, I dialed April's number, but her phone wouldn't answer, I kept getting the busy-line beep; so I called my brothers on their shell cells, but they didn't answer either. I hurried to Sensei's room, wanting to ask if he knew where they were, assuming he was there all the time, and I was shocked to see it was empty, though the candles were lit and there was incense burning, filling the room with the soft, yet evident white-grey wisps of smoke.

Confused and worried, I hurried back to Leatherheads lair, only to find that he was gone as well!

I was terrified, it didn't make sense, so I decided to hurry out to April's.

But- during my travel through the tunnels, I could have sworn I was being watched, so I stealthily made my way around, heading topside; I didn't want to risk showing whoever was following me where she lived.

Startlingly, when I reached the surface, the city was gone! Before my very eyes, all I saw were ruins of what once was the city of New York! There were no buildings, just shambles of stones and beams, crumbled to the floor, as if they were bashed down by a bulldozer! Or bombed down by missiles! There were no trees, no cars, no sign on life! The area was completely deserted!

It looked as if a war had struck.

It didn't make any sense! I was horrified, I was in sheer confusion to the point of panic.

I knew there was something wrong, something was seriously wrong, there was a trick somewhere, I told myself it was probably an illusions, a trick from the back of my mind, I didn't want to believe what I was seeing! It- it wasn't true that the city was destroyed, but it all looked so real, I didn't know what to think! I couldn't deny something that stood right before me!

Suddenly, something collided with the back of my head, everything went black.

I was scared, I was mighty scared.

….

When I awoke, I was strapped to a table.

When I opened my eyes, the light over my head was glaring at me, bright and unfriendly.

When he spoke to me, in that cold, chilling tone of voice, I knew I was in deep trouble, and when he stepped into the light, revealing himself to me, his pale skin and those black shades, his black clad body, I had the feeling my end was near, I was going to die.

Sometimes, I wish if I had died, it would have spared me the pain, enduring his multiple, cold, hard and heartless surgeries. He'd only knock me out when he's feeling generous; otherwise, he'd dissect me while I'm still awake. Bishop enjoyed every single moment of my suffering, watching me squirm and fight back, until I'm too defeated and broken to continue.

My memories there are still too fresh, I want to forget them, but I can't. The more I try to forget them, the more they come back to haunt me, in my wake and in my sleep, and as much as I know Bishop is now, finally dead, I keep hearing his voice, inside my head, echoing over and over!

_It's over! You're mine! Your brothers will never find you here. You can't escape, Donatello! It's a maze inside a maze here, rigged with killer traps and wild, man-made beasts! Try to escape, and it'll only be your doom!_

I don't like this, I don't like this at all!

I shake the dreaded feeling off me, and I gasp, my eyes widening as the blackness disappeared, evaporating and melting away like thickening fog over a windowpane. The fine, maroon purple drapes and the soft popping of the flames calm my senses, stroking them, soothing them, comforting them, and I felt the cold air escape my lung for a moment, before it fell to a relaxed rhythm, calming down, easing and nullifying the pain, the pain in my throbbing, bionic heart, I realized I had awakened from the catatonia.

I wondered how long I've been out.

But then I panicked, April was gone!

She was gone! She was no longer in the room with me! I was alone! Where did she go? Where did she disappear too? **Where Did She Go?** Did- did she leave me? Why did she _leave_ me? What- did I do something wrong? Where did she go? I- I- …

"April?" I croaked helplessly, but I sounded like a whimpering child, '_God help me, I'm scared! I'm so scared._' I felt the racing of my heart pick up the speed again, and tears started welling in my organic eye, "April?" I called more urgently, my voice just a little higher, my organic hand clutching the sheets, gripping tightly till my knuckles paled; but I dare not move, I froze to the spot, shivering like a leaf, "April!" I cried as loud as I could, my voice dying in my throat, and felt the teardrop, thick and heavy, it caressed my cheek on it's way down, dripping from my chin.

In what almost felt like a heart-stopping start, the door swung open.

Like a stone, I froze, swallowing the gasp threatening to slit my throat.

I sat there, I craned my neck to the door, clutching the sheets with both hands, hip planted on the bed, as if my life depended on it, staring at the young, red haired man before me, his brilliant green eyes staring right into my soul. He smiled, soft and gentle, comforting, and it eased my anxiety, if only mildly, but it soon rose into panic when he closed the door and walked closer.

"Wow there, I wont hurt you!" he said kindly, rising his hands in a sign of surrender, "I'm Tyler, the mayor asked me to check on you, she was worried." He paused for a moment, "Um, you do know April is the mayor of New York city, right?"

My anxiety and fear were tossed out the window, they were replaced by bewildered confusion, but I was still hesitant to speak, for I've never met this guy before, and I don't recall seeing him anywhere.

"Look, my name is Tyler, Raph and I go a long way back," he began, smiling a little uneasily, but at the mention of my brothers name, I relaxed, for I took note this man was quite young, much younger than my brother could have been, so I'm guessing Raph must've bumped into him in a rescue or something. I mean, it had been thirty years, and Raph doesn't befriend just anyone.

"He kind of saved me and my mother, when I was around ten, and- well, we've kind of stayed in touch ever since." The youth explained, slowly taking a brave step closer towards me, "He- told me about you, and your brothers, and I've already met Leonardo and Michelangelo, when they were still among us." he hung his head in a moment of silent grieving, before he looked up to smile at me, kind and gentle, "But, I never got around meeting you in person, Donatello." He smiled a little wider, extending a handshake, beaming with a friendly grin.

I stared at him for a moment, hesitant and unsure.

Bracing myself for courage, I felt the shiver rattle my bones, but I subdued it the best I could, and reached out with my organic hand, hesitantly and nervously gripping his, we shook hands, and he squeezed my hand a little, in a friendly gesture. I relaxed, feeling the pressure applied to my hand calm me, the panic drained away, and I faintly smiled at him a little, feeling comfortable with his presence now, there was no threat.

He grinned even wider, not releasing his grip, he waited until I let go of him first, before he drew back his hand, smiling kindly at me, he folded his arms over his chest, in what oddly felt a Raph-like fashion, and glanced around the room, if only briefly, before setting his bright green eyes at me again, licking his lips, he looked like he was trying to find something to say.

"So, uh," he paused, unsure, "you like the room?" he smiled.

I smiled weakly, and nodded, "Yes, I- think it's wonderful." I felt strange, warmth spreading inside of me, it made my smile widen a bit, I realized he was trying to be friendly, "Thank you."

He blinked, then shrugged a shoulder, "No problem, don't mention it." He smiled widely.

I dropped my gaze to the bed, wanting to scoot away, to offer him a seat or something, but froze in horror when I realized I've been so scared earlier, when April disappeared, that my claws had dug into the bouncy mattress, ripping it into shreds and a spring was peeking out, swirly and in dark silverfish-grey. I gave a heavy sigh, I hate it when that happens.

"So- Tyler?" I smiled at him, trying to calm myself.

"Yup." He nodded and simply plopped on the bed next to me, one foot on the floor, one leg folded and the ankle resting on his knee, his hands clasped lazily over the crossing knee and ankle.

"Um, you said- you and Raph go a long way back?" I asked, hesitant.

He nodded, a small, sad smile curled on his lips, "He was like- a big brother, almost a father figure, you know?" he began, now eyeing away towards the dying fireplace, "I met him when I was ten or twelve, I think he was about fifteen or sixteen, not sure." he tilted his head a bit in thought, "I remember, he told me he was looking for his dad, that his father was missing."

"Ah! That was so long ago!" I couldn't help but breath out, realizing it was around the time the Utrom had rescued master Splinter, when we were accidentally teleported to the Triseraton world.

Tyler gave a weak grin, "Yeah, Raph told me later on, that you guys got teleported to another solar system or something." He shrugged a shoulder, "Sci-fi was never my thing, I was more into sports, really."

I smirked, wondering if his choice of hobby was because of Raph's influence.

"So anyway, Donatello." He looked at me and smiled, "Would you like to go take a tour around the city? I'm afraid April's gonna be busy all day, she's already behind schedule." He apologetically informed, "So I'm afraid she'll be swamped with work, for the next two or three weeks." He sighed and shook his head, "We really need to get some help, to divide the work, lessen the load and stuff, but good help is so hard to find."

I nodded, briefly thinking about what he just said.

It seems April is now a very busy lady, huh.

I don't want to burden her, so maybe it's for the best that I find something to keep myself busy with; like working on these claws, dulling them, maybe remove the hand and make something else, something less dangerous. It's been a long time since I've gotten the chance to tinker with stuff. It'll be some time, before I'm able to hold my own, I'm afraid, I'm still a little shaky, and I'm not even sure if the humans will accept me.

I pushed myself off the bed, and wobbled a little, before heading towards the balcony, and with my fleshy hand, I gripped the cloth and tugged it away, and bit back a wince and a gasp, the morning sun momentarily blinded me. Heck! I didn't even notice it was this early in the morning, it made me wonder how long April and I had fallen asleep.

For a moment, I felt embarrassed, remembering her soft touch, her scent, her breath against my skin, the feel on her skin. God! I've missed her so much, and no matter how old she'd gotten, she's still as beautiful as I remember.

My smile slowly fell, as the sight before me registered.

There were only few trees decorating the landscape, mostly were somewhat half empty, half busting streets, a few shambled buildings, and what looked like a whole bunch of factories, stacked one besides the other. Their chimneys were reaching up into the sky, and though only one released smoke, I wondered what they were for, for I don't remember them being there before.

Almost soundlessly, Tyler walked and stood a little behind me, and I wondered if he had received any stealth or ninja training from Raph, because he was most apparently calm, for someone in his thirties I think, collected and seemed in very fit shape for combat. In all honesty, I wouldn't put it past Raph to train the kid, especially if they knew each other, and knowing my brother, he'd want Tyler to protect himself, when he himself not around to do it.

I stared at the city, from where I stood, behind the protective safety of the double glass doors. I braced myself for courage, and placed my hands on the handles, and my organic hand tightened a bit, the handle was cold, in a tingling, comfortable kind of way, I liked it. Pushing the doors open, I was embraced by a strong, heavenly breeze!

It slammed right into me! But barely strong enough to move my feet from their pinned roots; I chuckled, grinning widely, embracing the wonderful feeling of cool, caressing wind, brushing gently over my skin, electing unbelievably mesmerizing shivers all over me. I gazed up into the sky, watching wisp-like clouds scattered across the orange-yellow heaven above, the very last few stars vanishing with the brightening sunlight, sending warmth and heat, cast on my skin, tingling all over again, it was so overwhelming!

I felt a teardrop role down my face, but this was not fear, not pain, it was joy.

I was so happy, so very happy. I've missed this feeling so much!

In thirty five years, this is the very first moment, I am glad that I'm still alive.

I feel so much very alive, I want to embrace it all.

I want it all! I wasn't to treasure ever moment of it!

Xxxxxxxxxxxxxx

A/N: a too simple chapter, I know, but good things don't last forever. Leave a review please!


	9. Chapter Nine: Angel

Chapter Nine: -Angel-

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I leaned back against the pillows, sitting upright in the hospital bed, fingering the item in my hands.

Jin loved this toy, it was his very first toy, it was his favorite teething toy.

It was a child-safe teething toy, rubber made, it was as big as a computer disk, and it was shaped as a giant chocolate chip cookie, with rounded bits of chocolate peeking out, like bubbles. He loved chewing on it, drooling on it, giggling broadly even while it's stuffing his little mouth; it helped him relax, especially after his teeth started growing out and hurting, seeing they were growing out faster than a human child.

Raph claimed that it was probably due to his gnawing heritage.

I didn't know if I should laugh or cry, those two drove me insane!

Raph, with those scary yet amazingly astonishing shark teeth of his; he would sometimes make me feel so wonderful, nipping carefully through those sweet kisses; he'd love me, care for me, protect me, and spoil me rotten, no matter how dangerous, or uptight the situations we find ourselves into are like, and he would make me feel like the queen of the world!

Heck! Once, we almost got laid in the middle of an infiltration mission! It was so hard to wriggle my way out of his arms, to convince him it was the wrong time and place, and let me tell you, it was a struggle I'd never forget! I so needed to keep him well behaved, but he- well; we almost got caught twice, all thanks to his overly playful mood that night!

Must've been the wolf in him, it was a full moon that night.

When we were done and headed back to base, I swore to April that it was too risky, having just the two on us on the same mission, alone, without a third party member, because I knew that deep down inside, in the very bottom of my core, I just couldn't behave myself when he's being so darn sexy! It could be so irresistible, it drove me to the edge of insanity!

What can I say? I was young and I needed my usual dose of love every once in a while!

Besides, he's sometimes too damn sexy for his jacket! Hehe…

Of course, unless he's frustrated, he tried to avoid me, just so he won't explode in my face and hurt me, unintentionally. As much as I know it, I always find myself following him, like a lost, love sick puppy, and trying my best to sooth him, and maybe make love to him, a little too much; but unless he's in user-friendly mode, he'd listen and relax, unwind and start thinking more clearly.

If not, he'd otherwise yell and curse, then we'd end up in a fight.

Jin never liked it when we fought, who'd blame him, the tension bothered him, and it bothered us as well.

After Jin died, Raph tried to avoid me even more, guilt ridden and depressed, and I knew that he needed- no! He wanted me! He so dearly wanted me, I could see the lust and desire in his eyes, but I knew he was keeping his distance, because I understood his feelings. He didn't want to hurt me, he swore to protect me, to make me happy, and Jin's death brought great sadness to all of us.

We were divorced, '_To each his own._' as Mike once said, and Raph had no right to take me, to ask me for his desires, or even to hint it, mainly because he respected me, he respected my wishes, and he thought of me as a respected woman, a person, not a bed toy or a play thing, he didn't want to press on me for his urgent needs, so he opted to just- disappear and leave.

Also, because he didn't want to risk the chance of brining another child, seeing we were compatible.

He didn't want to bring another poor, unfortunate soul to this dark, wretched and miserable world, a child who would only end up embracing the dirt, before he or she could even learn to talk.

I sighed, there were just too many memories.

I treasured them all, because I knew there was no way I'd forget them.

I remember, when I first realized my feelings for him, for Raphael, it took a little getting used to, no matter how clumsy or silly-giddy he made me feel, also with a few hints here and there, thankfully, he took notice of my behavior, and actually hinted back his interest.

Casey was alive back then, though suffering mild injuries, he and Raph kind of got on edge for a period or time, simply because Casey was supposed to be my guardian, and he weren't sure if my relationship with Raph would work, seeing who and what we are, not to mention our delicate and important position in the Resistance team.

Fortunately, after Raph, April and I talked to Casey, explaining our feelings and the like, he accepted, giving us his blessing, saying that if it comes down to it, then he'd wish us a merry life with a dozen of kids, hopefully they'd take after their mother and not the father.

Raph was not impressed, but he laughed anyway.

No more than two months later, Casey died and Raph lost his left eye.

When I first realized I was pregnant, which was about a month or two later, I was so shocked and started, I was also so very scared, because I had no experience with the subject, and I didn't know how to tell Raph. I was afraid he'd think I've cheated with someone else, that it's impossible for me to carry a child from him, seeing we were two different species.

But I was positively sure it was his, I just didn't know how to prove it!

I just had to find a solid proof, and so I reached for April.

Around that time, Leatherhead and Professor Honeycutt were still among us, alive and in one piece, while Casey was gone. His loss was cut deep and fresh into our minds, and April was suffering a terrible depression, discovering that she had lost a baby she never knew she carried. It scared me senseless when I found out she was about to take her life, if only Leo hadn't gotten there in time and saved her.

I was so mad at her, I was so furiously seething!

How dare she try to book out on us, when we needed her the most?

After a week or two, she started getting better, recovering slowly from her depression, and I knew my good news might be considered bad news to her, it might even hurt her, but I didn't know anyone else to go back to, seeing all my family and friends were either dead or elsewhere. When I told April of my suspicious, she was pleased to tears.

Or at least, I saw them as tears of joy, if they were anything else, I don't think I would have distinguished the expression.

At first, when I explained my reasons, April was clearly hurt at my way of thinking, she told me that Raph deeply loved me, and he would never think that I'd be cheating with someone else, because he trusted me, and had always thought of me being loyal to him, as him to me, and I really should know better than to doubt him like that, it mad me feel bad.

Leatherhead and the professor were elected at the news, we agreed to keep it a secret from Raph, who was busy brooding and grumping, after a mild argument with Mikey earlier. They went about gathering the needed equipment, from our makeshift infirmary, I did a few tests, they were the longest six hours of my life, and fortunately, it turned out positive!

All I needed to do, was to acquire a small sample from Raph, a few more tests, then tell him the good news. It was a little tricky, seeing the tension between Raph, Leo and Mike was getting worse, after Casey's death, affecting his mood and temper, not to mention the pain he felt in his head, because of the lost eye, the dizziness wasn't making things better, just a while before they brotherly disbanded for good.

Once I managed to sooth him, with little naughty fun for both of us, I retrieved the samples, even if I did act a bit suspicious while acquiring them, but Raph didn't think much of it; he was tired and cranky, and in dear need of occupation. At any case, it was confirmed that Raph was indeed the biological father, and I was so very relived, it was a big load off my chest.

Soon, I braced myself for courage, took him on a little privet time and told him.

At first, he gave me this adorably-stupid blank stare, as if I'd grown a third head, and comically, he asked me to repeat myself for three more times, but once I confirmed the knowledge for the fourth time, it finally registered in his dense, thick-skulled head. He stared at me for a moment longer, a strange, electrified and excited gleam shone brightly in his eyes, and the next thing I knew, we were on the floor. It took me will power alone to let him behave, he was so driving me over the edge, but it was worth it.

The first three months went from smooth to pain-in-the-ass, literally!

The morning sickness, the mood swing, the cravings, the spasm pain, the contractions, it was killing me by the fifth month! The child, due to his inheritance, was growing a little faster than the average human child, sucking out and adsorbing my energy, wearing me out, forcing me to eat and sleep more than usual, it was a bit unnerving. Raph did his best to be around when he could, but that's when the Utraminators were released from the Shredder's stronghold, it became harder for us to find safe hiding spots.

We relocated to the abandoned outskirts of town, a safe little refuge hidden deep underground, and since my delivery was in six and a half months, instead of nine, the contractions took me by surprise, it scared me to death, I didn't know what to do.

The delivery was hard and painful at first, due to Jin's soft yet big shell, it tore at my muscles, I was bleeding all over, when I delivered him, the pain was bright and blinding, it felt as if there was a giant boulder pressing on my lungs, strangling me, suffocating me, I couldn't breathe! Raph arrived as soon as he heard I was in labor, abandoning his patrol duty, and he practically glued himself to me, all through the delivery, no matter how April begged him to leave, he refused, wanting to be there for me.

The very first guy I've met who refuses to leave the delivery room, whole the baby is coming.

Most men avoided the room, simply because they cant and don't bare the event and the actual birth, but Raph was too stubborn to care. Ironically, later on, I was told he almost black out once or twice, which I found quite funny, not to mention adorable, much to his embarrassed grumbling, but he held on to his conciseness, if only for my sake, and I appreciated it.

I treasured it, and I still treasure it.

The throbbing pain, searing and pulsing through me, through every inch of my being, it was too much, it was so overwhelming. I remember for a moment, I really begged God to just take me and make it stop, but stopped when hearing Jin's faint, mewing cries, and they were music to my ears, and relief washed over me when it was finally over, the child was cradled in my arms, feeding hungrily, and I couldn't have been any happier.

For the first two months, Raph wouldn't let me lift a finger, his relationship with Leo and Mike got a lot better, if not a bit grouchy around the edges, even if he was still bitter around Leo and cold towards Mike, and though Leo tried to be nice, Mike never lifted a finger, he stayed cold and hard, despite April and Leo's coaxing to try and get along with Raph.

My only comfort was that Mike grew fond of Jin, even if he didn't show it, Mikey always did have a soft spot for kids.

Back then, they were disbanded in the physical form only, their brotherhood was holding on with it's last thread, and they rarely saw each other, despite the fact they shared the same resistance fiction, and practically worked in the same league. They might have even been teamed together in the same missions, but I knew they still loved and cared for each other as brothers, and with Jin's arrival, it only brought them closer, and I loved it.

….

I fingered the toy in my hand a while longer, before there was a knock on the door, and when I allowed entrance. April walked in, smiling softly, motherly, and looking like she just woke up, her hair was a bit messy and she forked and soothed it back, and she looked a bit weary and concerned, but otherwise, a little tired, but still okay.

"Hi, April." I smiled and didn't mention how terrible she looked, she'd gotten used to my impulsive comments by now, anyway.

"Hey, you feeling better?" she smiled as she made her way to my bed, sitting on the side.

"Yeah, a lot better." I nodded, still fingering the toy, "How's Donny?" I reluctantly asked.

Her smile fell, and just as quickly came back up, "He's- holding up okay, he's still the same, in a way, just- more bionic-looking." She sighed, now looking at the toy in my hands, "He- I think he'll need everyone, to help him through this, Angel; and as much as I know he'd want details about what had happened, since he'd disappeared, I don't want to overwhelm him with the memories, they're- too painful."

I nodded, eyeing the toy in my lap, "What did you tell him?" I asked.

"Just the beginning, how we first noticed her was missing, before I could continue, I think I triggered something, and he went catatonic." She sighed and gave a negative shake, but at seeing my startled face, her sad expression deepened, "Bishop had hurt him, Angel; he had hurt him so much and so deeply, it's hard for Donny to overcome the fears by himself, or so soon, he'll needs us."

I nodded slowly, allowing the information to register completely, though still a bit startled with the info. I knew Donatello had gone through so much, enduring Bishop's torture, the cold, hard and heartless treatment, all my his helpless, lonesome self, during the past thirty years, but I admit I never thought he'd come back half cyborg and with so many illnesses.

For a moment, I wondered if Mike was still alive, if he was here right now, would he had still hated him, his long, lost brother, Donatello, or would he have sympathized that his brother didn't come back, simply because he couldn't.

Mike was very on edge when young Donatello arrived, he looked quite ready to jump and strangle the poor kid, and it worried me! Young Donatello didn't really understand why his brother treated him so coldly, it hurt him deeply. Suddenly, things got better between them, as if there was suddenly an unspoken truce, or secretly spoken, because since then, they worked like one, like real brothers.

For some time, it puzzled and confused me, but I never questioned them.

I worried, for Donny's sake, and for April, she dearly cared about the guys, and when they died five years ago, she started withdrawing into herself, engrossing herself with work, seeing that every dearly beloved member of her family had passed away, leaving her behind. I'm the only one left, and I'm not as deeply tied with her as the others were; aside the mother-like-sister relationship we shared, but still it wasn't as half as strong or as deep, especially like Raph and Casey's, or Leo as well, after Casey passed away and Raph left the base.

"Do you think he'll be alright?" I asked her, trying to break the silence, lingering heavy on my chest.

Her voice was barely a whisper, "I don't know." She sighed and gave a small negative shake, "I- I want to believe that everything will be alright, but I can't shake the feeling, that Donny may not feel the same." She explained briefly, her soft, gentle voice growing just a faint notch louder in volume, "After all he'd been through these past thirty five years, we don't know the full damage, we really don't know if Bishop had done something unfixable, Donny could be suffering something, something he doesn't know about; something he doesn't _want_ us to know about." She looked at me.

I nodded my head, now placing the toy on the bed desk next to me, and I paused for a moment, thinking, "I think we should treat him as if nothing happened, if he's like I remember, I think he'd prefer it that way." I told her.

April smiled weakly, she arched a dark red brow, "I thought that was Raph's way of thinking." she commented.

I smiled a bit wider, "Ah, they're brothers, and Don and Raph had too much in common, to the point Raph never noticed it until Don was gone." I sighed, now glancing over at the draped window.

I remember Raph, he told me that he never noticed how much he'd missed Donny, until he had to do adjustments on the shell cycle and the battle shell, not to mention the scouting and various chores they used to do together. It never accrued to him, that those simple, silent times together were all they had, and he regretted not spending them with something they'd both remember.

During the first few weeks of Don's disappearance, Raph was becoming more and more on edge, more emotionally distressed, Sensei couldn't calm him down or sooth his growing anxiety, he'd get angry at almost anything and everything, back then, master Splinter was still alive, and he kept telling Raph that getting angry wont bring back his brother, that he needs to calm down and think more clearly, in hope that they still had time to find him.

Three years passed, and there was yet no sign of Donatello.

I spent most of my days doing the daily things, while searching for clues about Donny's whereabouts, yet nothing worthwhile had surfaced.

The anxiety in the lair was growing, spreading and becoming thicker and thicker by each passing day! It was becoming quite unbearable! Like cancer, it was slow and killing them slowly, mercilessly!

The fights between Leo and Raph even started getting uglier, and Mike was more withdrawn and opted to hide, than to try and calm them or stop them, he was battling his own fears and anxiety, yet none of them seemed to notice, expect for April.

April had tried her best to support them, to help them, but at that accursed night, four years after Don disappeared, the Shredder had somehow located the lair and set his Foot and Karai bots to destroy them. Splinter knew they would not escape without a sacrifice, so he told them, his three sons, to escape and run, and he will meet up with them elsewhere, and they were reluctant to leave, but complied.

Once they managed to escape the lair, they awaited Splinter, growing worried and frightened.

Raph wanted to head back, while Leo tried to hold him back, Mike was too shaken to think, so he just followed them, silent as a stone. Raph had had enough of waiting, worry over his father consumed him, triggering his temper quicker, and he rushed back to the lair with a blind fit of rage, and Leo had no choice but to follow, to either stop or aid his brother and father.

When they arrived, as far as Leo told me, the battle that ensued was a horrendous one! There were corpse and bodies scattered, and a few of the Karai bots had gone fritz, attacking the Foot and being completely out of control.

It seemed that Splinter had acquired one of Donatello's neglected devices, and had somehow used it to fry the bot's circuits, but how was it that he successfully done it, without Don's help, no one knew, but no more than moments later, the Shredder attacked, stabbing Splinter, literally tearing out his heart, watching it pulse in his bloodied hands, before crushing it in his clutch, then tossing it at Leo's feet.

That was it, and the three brothers snapped.

Raphael fought viciously, in a doubled blind fit of rage, and Mike, despite his resurfacing fears, could not shake the feeling that something wrong was going on, but only when the bot had effortlessly hacked off his arm, did he realize, if they did not get out, then they're all dead! That their father's sacrifice would go to waste, to dishonor him!

Though later on, Mike mentioned that a strange numbness took over his body, as he watched his arm lay lifelessly on the floor, fingers twitching, still holding the nunchucks, blood spurting out of the stub-for an arm, but he felt simply pit: Ice cold; Until the Shredder walked over and stepped on it, rubbing his dirt foot on it, laughing.

There was oddly no pain whatsoever; all he felt was a chilling, strange blind rage, and he attacked.

Leo tried to aid him, to fight the Shredder, to get his stoned brother out of harms way, but a bot continued it's attack and Leo countered it, his sword colliding with the bot's iron body, but after that, there was an explosion, from the inside of the bot. Mike guessed that Leo must've knocked something, a cylinder or something, because some sort of purplish-red liquid burst out of the bot, and hit Leo right in the face, and whatever the liquid was, it reeked! The scent was so strong, it had him in a dizzy spell for a good minute or two, before he regained his composure.

Mike told me that Leo was screaming in agony, hands on his face, in a high pitches screech he had never heard before, roaring with a pitched shrill out of his brothers throat, watching him, writhing on the floor and gasping like a fish out of water, and no matter now numb and cold he felt that moment, he couldn't get the image of Leo twitching on the floor, bleeding and screaming out of his head.

That was when Raph's rage-fit withered, bleeding and exhausted, then gaining enough coherent thoughts to looks for his brothers, recognizing his injured brothers, so grabbing them, Mike's arm, their dead father's body and crushed heart, he helped them escape, away from the lair, away from the danger, holding his brother and father's broken pieces close, ignoring the reek of death that latched on to his fathers fur, and the pained horrified look on his grey, furry face.

They barely managed to avoid getting buried alive, when the Shredder ordered the remaining bots to tear down the pillars and beams, making them homeless, suffering sever injuries, both physically, emotionally and mentally.

When they had escaped the shambled lair, they hid away, lingering between awake and unconsciousness, and Raphael, badly injured at that time, had to contact April and Casey, telling them about the ambush, not to mention warning them from a possible attack on their unsuspecting homes, they should lay low and hide for a while, until they contact them again.

I think that's when things started turning glum to the three of them, and I knew the worst was yet to come.

We were bracing ourselves, anticipating, waiting.

There was so much, so much and too much of everything!

The pain, the fear, and the overwhelming misery, sadness and despair! Those were the worst days of their lives, and I pray we, and everyone else on earth, would never have to go through something like that ever again!

Now we live, for ourselves and for each other.

As Donatello once told me in my youth, I wish to keep on living, to keep on moving, for myself and for each other.

'_We should live to the fullest, for life at best is bitter sweet._'

Xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

A/N: if there is too much gore, think I should rise the rating, or is this rated correctly?


	10. Chapter Ten: April

Chapter Ten: -April-

------------

I smile at her, then glance at the bed desk.

That tiny little toy carried so many beautiful, yet melancholic memories.

I smiled to myself, wondering how Don would react, when he finds out he was going to be an uncle! That Raphael and Angel were together, and that they had their very own child? That humans and mutant turtles were compatible? Would he be happy? Sad? Confused? Jealous? Or would it not really matter to him at all? Ah, somehow, I doubted that Don wont make some sort of reaction, seeing he's pretty much the same to me, sensitive and emotional, he's just- a little different on the outside, that's all.

I wondered how master Splinter would have reacted, if he was still alive, to the fact of having a grandchild.

Then again, if he were still alive, then Leo, Mike and Raph wouldn't have fought as half as they should, given the fact their father is alive, not dead or missing like Donatello was. I think master Splinter would have been pleased, happy, or maybe even proud, having a grandson.

I knew that Splinter's death had been anything but quick and merciful, and it pained me deeply to remember how he died.

The Shredder was such a heartless brut, thank god he's gone now! Good reddens to bad rubbish! But when Raph told me, with his father and mentor, cradled in his blooded hands, tears stained his eyes, and cold breath escaped his lungs, I couldn't believe the gruesome sight before me, and I think I've actually fainted that moment. Thankfully, Casey was there, he held me before I hit the floor, and soon, I awoke to my hurting family, facing the horrible truth that stood, mourning, right before my very eyes.

In all my years, I've never seen Raph so small, scared and helpless, he almost looked like a lost little child, asking me, begging me to tell him that everything will be alright, that I could 'fix' master splinter back together, that there was still a chance. Leo and Mike never made a sound, but I could tell from their eyes and body language, Raph's emotional break down did not ease their pain.

Raph told me, a few night later their recovery; he told me his father wanted to be buried in the old park, if only for the memories of his beloved master Yoshi's sake, I was very against the idea, seeing that the place was not exactly the safest, not to mention that Splinter's body could easily be dug out, and taken to a lab somewhere, so we decided to cremate him, leaving nothing, but his cane propped at his tombstone.

Raphael would often go there, it's like a check point to him.

Every once in a while, he'd go to Splinter's grave and talk to his father's tombstone, he'd dare not touch the cane, but whenever if falls to the ground, he'd reluctantly touch it, and then prop it back up.

Raph would sit there, he'd tell of how the city was being overruled by the Shredder, how things are getting out of hand, and all the bad things. How he misses his father, how much he loves him, how he's sorry he failed him. Then he'd switch and talk about Angel, how they're getting along, how he feels about her, how confused and uncertain he feels, the experience was like a new, and unfamiliar territory, that he feels lost and somewhat threatened, unable to find the right way through it, to find the right answer, lost in his confusion.

I stumbled upon him once, I was with Mikey, and we went to Splinter's grave to show our respect. I felt like crying, watching Raphael's pale, rigid body slumped there, dozing, and his heavy head resting against the headstone.

Around that time, about a year or two after Splinter's death, about six to eight years since Donatello disappeared, Mike was still recovering from the last of his injuries, plus getting used to going about with one arm, after the lost arm, either during battles, or the daily tasks. He still retained a bit of his merry character, even if coated with dry laughter or cold jokes, it just didn't feel like him anymore.

Leo stayed back at base most of the time, meditating or training with Leatherhead and Casey, when they were still among our lines. About a week earlier, Professor Honeycutt was captured by the Utraminators, when the Shredder first released them, and two weeks later, that failed mission happened, when Casey died, and Raph lost his eye.

Leo was trying to improve his other senses, to improvise with what he had left, in hope to replace his loss; he was still trying to get used on his permanent case of blind sight, and though I tried to comfort him, he just kept smiling, as if not affected. He knew that in times of need, he will have no one but himself to depend on, that's why he trained so relentlessly.

It was hard on Leo, the fact that he's easily confused, dizzy and jumpy at any sudden change of surroundings; he kept telling me in the beginning of his blind state, that he felt overly helpless, worthless, and completely incapable of doing the simplest things on his own, that the faintest change in climate, or the sudden sounds startle him, and to some point, it was driving him insane!

The frustration and depression were growing clearer and clearer day by day, it took me and Angel a lot of work to sooth his worries, to let him know that we're here for him, that we will support him with everything we have, and also with a little help from Mike.

Mike and I were a bit startled, seeing Raph there, at Splinter's grave, half dozing at the grave, looking pale and tired. He soon woke up, because of the noise we were making on the dry, dead grass, embarrassed and angry at himself, falling asleep like that, I managed to sooth him and take him back to base with us. Angel soon took care of the rest, taking him to a bedroom.

If only I knew what they were really up to, I would have tried to play cupid, it would have accelerated their relationship a little. '_Silly me._' I hid a smirk, now looking at the young woman, injured and in bed besides me.

I look at Angel, now that she's at least thirty years old, no longer a girl, a child, or a young lady, but a woman! I think of how her life could have been like, if things had not gone the way they did. After thirty five years, time takes a real toil to one's body and mind, especially, after all the chaos and suffering we've been through, and Angel is no different.

Losing her grandmother and brother, then losing Casey, the body injuries and mental hurt, getting into the Resistance team, her first few life-risking missions, recognizing her feelings and falling in love with Raph, desperately clinging to him, supporting him and doing her best for him, having him there, to support and love her, to gift her with a son.

Jin might have died, but Raph and Angel had still yet loved each other very dearly, but they admitted that separating was for the best, for no child has hope of a good future, if their world is in this sort of chaos.

'_Besides, if something happens to me, and I get dumped six feet under dirt, then at least while divorced, Angel would still be free to hook up with someone else, to start a real and normal family, instead of getting herself stuck, bound to a dead freak._' Raph once rambled on to me, with a sad little smile on his face, his breath forming clouds in the cold winter night air, before leaping away and disappearing into the shadows, soaked under heavy winter rain. I knew he had good intentions, but his words still hurt.

"Do you- ever think about the times when we were still a family?" she suddenly spoke, voice soft and almost a whisper, "I do, and I miss it."

I nodded my head, scooted a bit closer to wrap my arm behind her back, pulling her into a gentle hug, "I know."

She winced a bit, but maneuvered one arm to hug me, "I'm worried about Don."

I gave her shoulder a small squeeze, before pulling back, figuring her cuts still hurt, "Me too."

"How long do you think it'll take for him to recover fully?" she began, "I mean, first, we have to make sure he's alright from the inside, cause I'd hate to put any pressure on him." she gave a negative shake, "You know how easily stressed he gets, especially when topped with frustration!" she sighed heavily, "The family issue had always been a very sensitive thing to talk about, even when they were still alive." She pressed her head to my shoulder, silently pleading for comfort, and I pulled her a bit closer, still hugging.

"Then he has to get used on going out in public, meeting people and getting about the new city landscape!" she shrugged a shoulder, giving a softer sigh, "And not to forget the fact that the Memorial day is coming up soon, marking the fifth anniversary on our freedom," she sighed heavily, "the death of his brothers." then looked at me with blurry, glassy, wet eyes, she was suppressing tears, worry written all over her face; "How will he take it?"

"I don't know." I sighed and nuzzled her temple, trying to calm her down, "I guess we'll have to break the news to him somehow."

"Won't he freak out? I mean the memory is still so fresh, even to us!" she argued, not really pleased with my answer, "He'd been on the run for a good month or two, thinking Bishop wasn't dead and was chasing him, before reaching us and having our men find him and bring him home." She paused for a moment, glancing out the window, and I could feel her head beating against the side of her ribs, vibrating against me, "Poor Donny. He's only been here for three days; it'll probably be too overwhelming for him, to take in the upcoming events for the next few days, before the memorial ceremony."

I sighed and hugged her a little tighter, careful not to aggravate her injuries, "I know, and that worries me a great deal. Donny is still hurting and his wounds are still deep, yet time is essence and we need to prepare him, before the Memorial Day takes place." I paused, wondering how we are supposed to even pull such a thing off, without triggering the painful memories, or making him catatonic again.

"It won't be fair to keep him in the dark, while everyone is bustling about and getting things ready." I told as I glanced at the window, worry and self doubt sinking deeper, "I mean- think about how much it'll hurt, when someone walks in and congratulates him, celebrating the Memorial Day. Donny is clueless to the Memorial Day, I never even mentioned it to him, so it'll probably confuse him, and if someone delivered the news, without being careful with his or her choice of words, I don't know how he'll handle it."

I worried for his sake, poor, poor Donatello.

There is so much he needs to know and be informed about, preferably with explicit details, yet there is so little time, and so many sensitive topics to dwell into, and he's carrying too many deep, pulsing wounds, emotionally and physically, it's too much, and might cause more harm than good. Giving the wrong subject in the wrong time would only stab him, digging deeper into his heart, and I don't want that! I want to help him heal, not make things worse, but how can I pull it off, without triggering some sort of painful memory?

'_April, sometimes, the best way to heal is to **feel** the pain, don't _block _it, don't try to _stop _it. **Feel** it, accept it, let it flow and savor every moment of it, because sometimes, avoiding the pain will make it worse the next time it strikes._' Leo once told me, his gentle and kind voice echoed in my head, resurfacing from my memories. '_Don't worry, for pain is momentary, while recovery is eternal, and though it's slow, it's a time of reflection, and while the pain hurts for a while, it'll only be a faint reminder or what's more important, that we're still alive, that we had survived the pain, that we have overcome the hardship, that we're stronger in both body and mind._'

The memory stung, and I felt my eye blur with my steaming tears, I really felt like crying.

"April?" Angel spoke, pushing me gently, "Are you alright?"

I smiled weakly and sniffed, flicking away the teardrop from the corner of my eye, "Just- reminiscing, I guess."

She smiled sadly and nodded, "I miss them, too."

I smiled and hugged her, sometimes it's almost as if she could read my mind.

Sitting there quietly, I knew I didn't have much of time, so I kissed her temple and wished her a good day, I brushed my stray hair and left the bedroom, sparing her a quick smile, in which she mirrored. I know that Angel will be alright, here in the hospital bed, and I know she'll be up and ready in a few days, seeing she's quick in recovering from her injuries; but she'll be sore for a while, so I'm guessing we're never catching up to the schedule.

There were so many projects to work on, from re-establishing some torn down buildings into homes and schools, and other public life necessities, to building more and more places that we need, like playgrounds and hospitals and the like, and of course a market and a place to sell goods, not a mall, but something around that line, I guess.

Thanks to the Utroms, we've been recovering faster that I had first expected, but I told them that I don't want to work on delivering the advanced technology too fast, for I don't want the people to be blinded by greed, with the power these technologies provide, and they agreed, not wanting to create yet another darkness after a long time of recovering.

When the Elentians arrived, Versallia was more than willing to share their magical abilities and the elemental powers, but I guess some males in her tribe, -or should I say, _the_ males, seeing she's practically the only female Elentian I've ever met- figured she was being too trusting, too impulsive in helping, for they still disliked humans, and they didn't want to grand the human race their technology.

Raptor and Versallia had been meeting a lot lately, discussing various topics on how to merge with the humans, diplomacy and politics and the like, but probably for more reasons than one I figure. They've kept requesting I do the same, to meet up with them and chat, to come to an agreement about some topic or such, but they also understand that being the mayor here, stuck under piles and piles of work, they know I may not have as much as free time as they do, so they don't pressure me, although they do hint for a request meeting every once in a while.

For a moment, I wondered if it would do Donny some good to place him in a job, to keep him occupied, once he had recovered enough; like in the clinic or in the library, or maybe even give him a desk job, just as long as he stays away from labs and anything that has to do with science and dissecting, or doing experiments or the like, because I'm sure it'll trigger something, bad!

I know there is too much to handle all at once, but I have to find my way through.

If not for myself, then for Donatello.

….

I put the paper down, picked up the pen and signed.

One project down, only god knows how many left to go.

I've been engrossed with work for the past twenty hours, I'm exhausted! It's already past midnight, and I'm anxious to see Donny, it's been over twenty four hours since I've last seen him, I want to know if he's okay. I've received a call from Tyler, about three hours ago, telling me Don had had a quiet day, talking and having a good time, and that Donny had already gone to bed, wishing me a goodnight.

He also claimed that Angel called them, and was assured that Donny was alright, and everything seemed to be doing just fine.

She probably knew I'd worry, that gal; she knows me too well.

I smiled weakly, remembering who else knew me so well. Master Splinter was like a father to me, not just for the guys. Whenever I'm feeling down or uneasy, when I visit them at the lair, he always detects my mood, he knows how I feel and works on making me feel better. I can't really explain it, but there had always been that warm, fatherly touch that tickled me, I miss him.

I remember when Donny first disappeared, Master Splinter looked so tired, so small and weak, and so, so miserable! Mike's jokes no longer work, they only agitate him, but he tries to keep his mood positive. He'd smile, even if forced, just so not to hurt Mike's feelings. But Mike saw through his family's act, he knew that he wasn't really making much of help, so he soon quit, devastated, he just stopped.

I remember, a while after Don disappeared, no more than two or three months, Master Splinter had gotten too ill with worry, and we moved out to the farmhouse, Mikey joined, while Leo and Raph stayed back at the city. Casey joined me for a while, but then headed back to help them. Mike and I did our best to help Sensei back up to his feet, and our progress seemed futile at first, it was very depressing.

Fortunately, I think something in master Splinter's head clicked, he started eating more, he started looking after himself, physically and emotionally, he'd look a little more lively, much to Mike's pleasure! He missed his father's smile so deeply, it hurt him to see him father so down and sad. We stayed at the farmhouse for three months, Leo and Raph never came for a visit, they rarely called. We had nothing but Casey, traveling back and forth every two weeks, and the shell cells keeping us connected.

When we returned to the city, master Splinter was a bit crossed and hurt at Leo and Raph, but he understood that they've not taken good care of themselves, especially with the fact that there was no one to keep track of them. The lair was a complete mess! It looked as if a tornado had gone through! Their bedrooms were messy, even Leo's! They looked like they had hardly been slept on their own beds, and the couch had two pairs of pillows and blankets, so I take it they took turns in sleeping in, while the other went out scouting.

The kitchen was bare of anything edible, those two pretty much scarffed down anything consumable, like wolves starving! Food wrappings and empty cans littered the over-flowing waste basket, and the sink was a hideous mess! They looked like they haven't had a good meal or slept worth a wink in weeks! They were pale, jumpy and with dark bags under their eyes.

I wouldn't have been surprised if it had turned out more true than I originally thought!

Mike went about preparing meals for them, while master Splinter took back his fatherly role, admonishing them, telling then that wearing themselves out, or beating themselves senseless, looking for Donatello would not make things any better!

Poor Raph was an aggressive, insomniac nervous wreck! I had Leatherhead pin him down in order to give him a sedating shot, tranquilizing him, after permission from Sensei, of course, seeing both Leo and Raph refused drinking the medical concoction, Sensei made for them. Raph slept for a whole day, and he never looked more peaceful, if only some nightmares did not find their way to his much needed slumber, but a soothing touch from master Splinter, and they disappeared into nothingness. Leo was just as paranoid and jittery, not to mention insomniac, so I ended up sedating him as well, but less aggressively. They were suffering so much, flipping the whole city upside down, looking for Donny.

The poor guys, they looked so lost without their brother.

They were upset at Leatherhead and I, after they woke up, and let me tell you, that was probably the worst headache they had ever suffered. Raph, like usual, kept whining, saying that we were wasting time, babying and nursing them, instead of looking out for Donny, while Leo tried to ignore the pain and meditate, to think more clearly.

Sensei was getting tired of it all, especially Raph's whining complaints, but he dare not show it, because he missed Donny as well, wishing if there was a way to find, locate and bring back his missing son.

Mike, since our return from the farmhouse became less talkative, it worried me for a while, and when I talked to him about it, he refused to talk to me, he held- cried, and I hugged him, I felt his arms wrap around me, pulling me as his cries thickened. He was hurting, hurting very deeply for his family, and I knew that the worse was yet to come, yet I held on to hope, and comforted him the best I could.

The next three years were agonizing, and when the Shredder attacked, trashing the lair, killing Splinter, hacking off Mike's arm, splashing intoxicated fluid at Leo, it was the last straw, and the three brothers had had it! Leo held on to hope that Don will come back, Raph too, but Mike pretty flat out exclaimed, that if Don had not come back by now, then he's not coming back, that he's dead, gone into nothingness!

It hurt, and I could see the hurt and shock clear in Raph's eyes.

Mike had given up on his brother, and that's when his hatred sprouted.

Yet, I knew he still cared, I just- didn't know how to pinpoint it.

I prayed with all my heart, that Mike had, at some point, forgiven Don for what had happened.

Xxxxxxxxxxx

A/N: Um… yeah…


	11. Chapter Eleven: Flashback A1

Chapter Eleven: -**Flashback** (A-1)-

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-Michelangelo-

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I don't really remember what I was thinking at the time, or why, but I just felt like doing so.

Somehow, it made me feel a shell lot better; it made me feel _so much_ better!

I remember I met Raph at master Splinter's grave, earlier during that cold, cloudy, winter night; he was clearly calming down, after having one of his usual hissy fits, so I assumed he had crossed paths with something, before our arrival, that did not agree with him; once he had dealt it whatever punishment he felt fit, he then came here to talk to our father.

Not that I'd blame him, I do that as well, some times.

We stopped only for a moment, acknowledging each other's presence, greeting each other with a subtle nod, no words spoken. Pacing towards our fathers headstone, or technically, the plank that resembled our father's headstone, where the letters that formed his name were etched. I spared the withered old rose, Raph had in his grasp a sympathetic glance, watching him place it on father's grave, before placing the tulip I brought on the grave.

"A tulip?" Raph quipped, surprised and somewhat curious, "Where'd ya get that? I haven't seen any growin' on around these parts fer years."

"I got it from Karai's garden." I muttered bitterly, "I torched the whole f#cking lot and saved this one for Sensei."

"Oh, well suits her right." He chuckled bemusedly, stashing his empty hands in his pockets, "Boy, I bet she'd be pissed, huh?" he glanced away, keeping watch, just incase someone came around.

I gave a small weak twitch at the corner of my lips, but I dare not smile, "Suits that b!tch just fine."

We remained silent for a good half hour, just standing there, staring blankly at our father's grave, mourning in silence. It had always been the way to show our respect for Sensei. Raph shuffled a bit closer to me, after a few minutes of silence; he never could keep quiet more than he needs to be. I knew he really wanted to touch me, to put a hand on my shoulder, -or to what was left of my arm;- to say something, but he also knew, that no matter how much I'd appreciate the gesture, I'd slap his hand away and tell him not to touch me.

He doesn't want to get his feelings hurt, and I don't want to be the one doing it, either.

Keeping our distance had probably been one of those things, that we just got use to the more we did it. It was something like killing I guess, it gets easier the more you do it. The more you do it with cold blood, the less you're opted to think about it.

I hate to admit it, we've been hurting each other a lot as of late, mentally and physically, and it's really beginning to bother me. Raph's been hurting the most since all of this started.

Donny's disappearance, -though Raph still believes Don will come back, one day. I don't see what use is Don's return, it's not like he'd make a difference now, anyway!-, and then father's death. Casey's death and then losing an eye; Jin's death, his constant arguments with Leo; his need to be with Angel, yet his need to stay away from her as well, because he wants to spare her the pain.

I sure don't want him hurting anymore than he needs.

"So?" he sighed, daring to start an idle conversation, "Where you off to after this?"

"I'm heading out with Angel, we've got a factory to blow up." I muttered.

"Angel?" he inquired, confused, as if not recognizing the name. "Um, how is she?" he asked.

I hid a smirk, and with my gaze still fixed to the headstone, I replied, "Why don't you go see her yourself?"

He 'urk?' and then snorted, "Nah, maybe later." He muttered something under his breath.

Although I could sense he wanted to go, but was reluctant to face her again.

I remember the last time they were together again, was about a month ago, and Raph saved her from a falling roof. Angel survived, but sprained her knee and bruised a wrist; she was pretty bedridden for a whole week. April was away, and she was busy caring to Hun and Baxter, who we had saved from the Shredder merely a month or two earlier.

Leo and Raph weren't overly pleased, having those two at base, but April insisted that they're no longer a threat. She claimed it'd be too cruel to just toss them out, considering their health and physical condition. Raph had a bad fit and left. Leo refused to leave, not before leaving them with a warning; he threatened them, saying that if any hard reaches any of our groups, then they'll be the first to blame.

Baxter wasn't pleased, and neither was Hun, but Hun knew his place, and he didn't complain, while Baxter just kept yapping. The annoying, egoistic little brainy blob was beginning to get on my nerves, and I would have granted them the death they wanted, if it weren't for April's coaxing. I swear I would have smashed that jar, and personally splattered that little scum with a rail-gun!

When Baxter first came into our base, and became a member of our lines, being attached to Hun and all, it annoyed me how he wouldn't stop whining, about how ungrateful the Shredder was to all of his so called dedication. I remember when I got overly fed up with him, I cried: '_Buddy! You're a brain in a jar! Life's tough! Live with it!_' and that instantly it shut him up.

At first, there was nothing I wanted more than to rip them to shreds, but after a while, hearing what had happened, between then and the Shredder, I took pity. I realized that after all the work and, stupidly, all the -false- loyalty they have served that little alien ingrate, once they've gotten too old to do his bidding, he slapped some stupid crime to them and decided to kill them.

I heard Raph sigh, from where he stood next to me, where we stood before Sensei's grave. I didn't even see or feel him creeping closer. '_Damn, he's getting better and better at this silent assassination jig._' I thought to myself, a bit uncomfortable.

Uncomfortably, I watched him through the corner of my eye, shift his weight from one side to the other, he looked uncomfortable as well, "Look, Mike, I was thinkin'," he began, retrieving his hands from his pockets, and then moving a hand to rub his temple, the other resting on his hip, "I- I had this weird dream last night, and I- wondered if- ya had something similar, durin' the past few nights." He explained, looking a little unnerved and weary.

I looked at him, awaiting the dream.

He shifted uncomfortably again, "I know ya might get mad, but- it's about Donny." He began.

I felt my fingers curl into a tight ball as it fisted up, and my skin bristled. I tried to keep the disgusted sneer from my face, but that name alone, brought way too many negative feelings, it was hard to hide my discomfort. "What about him?" I tried not to hiss.

"It was weird." he muttered at first, moving his hand away to look at Sensei's grave, as if directing the same unspoken questions to him, "It started off at the old lair, ya know? Back before Baxter's rock munchers tore it down." He told me, reminding me of our very first, real home, back down at the sewers. Raph and I both know the sewers aren't safe for us anymore, because the Shredder had planted way too many weird creations from his lab in them. They're practically infesting the tunnels, and that's not counting in the Utrominatrons and various poisonous, toxic chemicals he dumps in there.

Raph continued, "In that dream, Donny was with Sensei, and you, me and Leo were just practicin' like always. We were younger, fifteen I think, long before Don disappeared." He gave a wistful sigh, and I know how Raph misses being young again, he hates those cramps that keep attacking his poor, sore leg muscles. "All of a sudden, the lair went black, a blackout, pitch black, more black than a cloudy, moonless midnight, ya know? O' tin head appeared right out of nowhere; we all jumped in to fight him, and- well, one by one, we fell, only Donny was left." He paused for a moment, crossing his arms, half hugging himself, "Donny, he- he started cryin', I could hear him screamin', beggin' for our forgiveness, he said something, I heard it, I know I did! But for the life of it, I cant remember what it was."

'_Well, if Donny is begging for forgiveness, I don't know about Leo and Raph, but he's not getting mine, that is for sure!_' I thought to myself darkly, growing even more furious with our missing brother.

Seeing my scowl, Raph pursed his lips, and then continued, "The Shredder said somethin' and Donny snapped." I could sense something shifting, while there was a wistful glint in his lone eye, but it vanished, before I could read deeper into it. "He took out this wired lookin' thing, it looked like a shovel, but it was glowin' blue, it was freakin' weird! The thing had blue-flames on it! It- the flames, they were long, their tongues were lashin' all over the place." He wrinkled his snout in confusion, looking at me for a moment, to be sure I was listening, before continuing the rest of his dream.

"The place was still all dark, and the white arms of flame just grabbed hold of Shredder, he screamed like a banshee, before he was burnt to crust. Destroyed! Just like that!" he shrugged his shoulders in disbelief, thinking that it was very ridicules that a mere shovel, with blue flames, was enough to defeat the Shredder. "Suddenly, Donny fell and started cryin' again, and we all got up, but when we all reached out for him, he just- disappeared… again."

I stood there, listening. I drew in a breath, and held it in, allowing the tightness in my chest to disappear.

"Raph, it must've just been something you ate." I muttered, darkly joking, "Donny's dead! It's been thirty years, and he never, ever gave a single hint to weather he was live or not!" I snarled, my irritation growing and burning more fiercely inside of me, "Just forget him already!"

Raph jerked to glare at me, "Well if my memory serves me right, Mike, you two were best buddies!"

"_Were!_" I repeated the word, emphasizing that it had all been in the past, and that it no longer exists, while finally jerking around to fully glare at him, "He's gone, Raph! He ditched us, he's g-o-n-e! **Gone!**"

"You don't **know** that!" he cried back, growing fairly frustrated at me, "He could have been abducted and taken away for all we'd know!" he desperately tried to reasoned, "He's probably out there, waitin' fer us to find'em!"

"And in either case, after so long, he'd be dead by now, anyway!" I snapped back, trying to subdue the rage inside of me.

"Would you two be quiet? You're practically begging to be captured!" I heard my other brother's voice. I twirled around, watching him pace calmly through the dead forest, with those dark glasses, easily maneuvering around the trees, despite his blind sight, as if he weren't blind at all. "I can practically hear you from miles away," he grouched, annoyed at our loud voices, "are you _that_ desperate to get yourselves captured?" he growled, admonishing us in that Leo-Leader style he's abandoned so long ago.

Of course, Raph and I both know he's no longer our leader; we've separated ages ago, disbanded; ever since master Splinter died. We've decided to keep it that way, because if we ever had to get together, there was a sure sign a throttling is what we'd give each other. There is just too much tension between us, it's bound that one of us would say, or do something, that would ignite that dying spark, and we'd end up in a fight again.

Not having April or Angel around, usually means one of us is bound to get killed, too.

I haven't seen Leo for four or fives months now, and I can't help bit notice how- fairly frail he appeared. I remember his younger form better. He was larger, better built, yet now, he looks smaller, weaker. '_Our leader had fallen,_' I heard a voice in my head say, '_and the guilt of master Splinter's death does not seem to be the only reason behind it._' It chided.

'_I mean, gees, just when was the last time he ate? He looks so skinny!_' I furrowed in mild concern.

"Geez Leo, ya look like nothin' but a sack of skin and bones! When was the last time ya ate?" I heard Raph grouch, admonishing him, though unintentionally mimicking my thoughts.

Leo merely gave a small bemused smile, "I just did, actually. But, as you two know, there are people out there who need food more than we do." He shrugged a shoulder, stepping closer towards us. "Besides, a little fasting never hurt anyone." He added, and only then did I catch sight of a small bunch of dandelions in his grasp, and quietly, he placed them gently over Sensei's grave, before tenderly stroking the wooden-plank-for-a-headstone.

"I miss you, father." He whispered ever so softly.

Neither Raph nor I said anything, thought I knew Raph was probably bristling, having Leo here.

Raph's been pretty pissed at Leo since father died.

They always bark and bicker about who's fault it was that our father died, sacrificing himself for us. Leo kept saying that father had done the honorable thing to do, risking himself for us, his children. While Raph was arguing, saying that father should not have sacrificed himself for us, that we weren't worth it, that it was a price too high to pay, and that it should have been the other way around.

Once, Leo yelled something I would Royally _Crown_ **THE** **_Stupidest_** thing, Leo had _Ever_ Said!

Do you know what he said?

He said: '_And how would **you** feel if your son died right before your very eyes?_'

That had probably been the very first time, I've ever seen Raph grow so pale and shaky in a bat of an eyelash. Tears welling in his lone eye, jaw dropping; his macho-facade instantly crashed, shattering like a piece of fragile glass, and all I saw at that moment was a devastated, desperate father. He was merely a shattered shell of his former self, and it painfully, mercilessly tugged at my half-stoned heart.

Gradually, his emotions swelled too greatly for him to suppress, and he broke down.

Although bravely keeping the argument going, or trying to, anyway; his choked sobs never seized. The hurt sobs were cracking his voice, weakening him, he couldn't keep his stand, no matter how hard, or how stubbornly he tried. In the end, he fell to his knees, his arms wrapped tightly around himself, hugging, shivering like a leaf, tightly gripping his jacket, almost tearing it right off himself, with his forehead to the dirt coated floor, crying his heart out.

Leo felt absolutely terrible, and I knew that though he couldn't see Raph, because of his blind sight, Raph's heart wrecking sobs were loud, and heartfelt deep enough to touch Leo's. Dropping to his knees in front of Raph, gathering and pulling him to his arms, Leo was mentally kicking himself a good one, cursing himself for saying something so idiotically insensitive and impulsive to Raph.

My only comfort, they spent a good long hour holding on to each other, hugging. Leo gently rocking Raph's trembling body in his arms, and Raph tiredly mourning his lost son, while sobbing on each others shoulder. Raph spent that lone hour mourning his lost son, and Leo spent it apologizing, asking forgiveness for stabbing an old, mending wound.

They were at our base at the time, and April was part relieved, because when she went back to check on them later on, wanting to fetch them a blanket, she told me what she found them sleeping in each others arms. Although exhausted, with half wet-dry tears staining their faces, they wouldn't have looked any more at peace as they did at that moment.

She tucked them in, kissing their temples, and I was even there, watching her, a smile on my lips.

Raph was leaning against Leo's plastron, curled comfortably in the arch of Leo's arms, his mask a bit damp and latching to his skin. He was half tucked under Leo's black trench coat, his head on Leo's shoulder, his breath against Leo's throat; Leo's arms were curled around Raph, his chin tucking Raph's head to his chest, holding him protectively, nuzzling his temple. Leo had clear, though dry, tear lines caressing his cheeks.

Deep down inside, I knew they- **we** were still brothers at heart, but the bitterness of life was keeping us physically, and perhaps even mentally, very far, far apart. It hurt to think of how close we were back then, and how far apart we've drifted, just because one brother disappeared.

Somehow, I wondered if Jin ever had a real chance.

He was a good kid, he never should have died at such a young age.

It's all Donny's fault! If he wouldn't have left us, things wouldn't have gotten so bad! Sensei wouldn't have had to die! We would have found a way to defeat the Shredder, and Jin would have had a chance to live, to have a better future!

He would have made his father proud!

But he didn't, and it's all Donny's fault!

Xxxxxxxxxxxxx

A/N: Flashbacks help explain the story better, no? Part one down, part two is coming up next...


	12. Chapter Twelve: Flashback A2

Chapter Twelve: -**Flashback** (A- 2)-

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-Raphael-

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The shifting in Mike's aura bothered me, and I worried as to what he was thinking exactly.

Leo shifted from his sitting position, in front of Sensei's grave, buckling his legs under him, he sat there, lightly meditating.

I stared at him, bitter memories and quarrels already brewing inside of me, demanding to be released, to be unleashed against him. But no! In all places, this is the only sacred spot I will never taint with my hate and rage. It's our only place, a place where we can be brothers, mourning our dead father; a family, just being there for one another.

I knew if I stayed any longer, with Leo's presence before my sight, I'm gonna say something stupid, and we'll start fighting again. I hate fighting with him, but every time I think about him, and then be reminded of Sensei, I remember how he told us, how he forced us to abandon him when he needed us the most, and it just makes me so mad!

I felt a tremble of rage, and I huffed; waved a hand at Mike and turned to leave.

Thankfully, Leo didn't try to stop me.

Walking though the patches of light and shade, silently trailing my path through the dead forest, protected by the lingering shadows of the night, I crept like the shadows, that I had been born to embrace from my cradle to my grave. I like the forest at this time of night, and since it's autumn right now, the weather is kind of nippy, but otherwise, nice.

I mulled over the thought of giving Angel a visit, just to see how her leg and arm are doing, but somehow, I felt that it wouldn't be right. I really shouldn't long for her like this, it's wrong! We're divorced, she has no reason to see me, and I should not be seeking her out! I've put her enough pain and misery, I don't want her to suffer any more pain! She loved me enough to grant me a child of my own, yet it was our misfortune that he had no future.

Reaching the end of the forest, I stalked around my surroundings, before I leapt towards the nearest fire escape; I started my way, hopping up the rooftops, and though I was thinking of heading back to my base, my little hidden pocket of a home, I idly realized I was actually heading towards the hidden base, to where April, angel and the others are at.

Hesitating half way, I paused. Angel never left my mind, her lovely brown eyes, her sweet smile, her sassy attitude, her body; _oh yeah_, no words could describe that hot body! Baby! Just thinking about it brings a sly grin, curling on my lips. With renewed passion, I continued on, pressing forwards toward the base, towards to woman who was, for one, my beloved wife.

I am a man enough to admit it, I'm addicted to her! Addicted like kids to candy! Addicted like moth to flame! Heck; I'm addicted to her, like Leo to ninjutsu! I love her too much, and that's when hurts us the most!

A prickling pain stabbed the back of my lone eye, and I stopped jumping off the rooftops again, ducking into the near darkness of the concealing shadows, to rub the moist away. Quietly leveling my breath, trying to relax, to clear out the negative thoughts, I opened my eye a mere slit, glancing around this misfortunate city; a city that was once known as Manhattan.

Man, how things change.

I bet Donny would never recognize the place, if- **when** he comes back.

Gathering my resolve, trying not to think of how the Shredder had destroyed what was once our beloved home and city, I pushed off the roof and hopped across a few buildings. Stealthily avoiding the watch spots, I found a manhole, and slunk into the depths of its darkness, carefully trekking my way across. I can't believe these sewers are no longer our home as well, no longer safe for us to dwell through.

I mean, we've spent our childhood here, with our beloved father, learning every curve and turn throughout these dark, dingy, reeking tunnels. We've lived down here, from little tots till we were about thirty! Long after Don first disappeared, actually; that's when things really started coming down, and the sewers were no longer safe for us, or for Leatherhead, who had lived nearby at the time. We had to find a new dwelling space topside, on the streets, under the sun, among the remaining few humans, on the face of this pitiful planet.

It took me a good half hour to reach base, without being detected, and there, I was greeted by April's smiling face.

It didn't take her more than a second, to figure out what I was doing there for, and she grinned, teasing me about it. I felt my face warm up, when she mentioned how lonely and sad Angel looked during the past few days, she started cooed in that motherly tone of hers, telling me that I ought to go see her, to cheer her up. I tried to decline, not wanting to give my ex-wife false hope with my presence, but the gut feeling of how I missed her was much stronger.

I ended up giving in to April's coaxing, and ventured off to look for Angel.

I ignored the homeless there; they were multiplying day by day, worse than bunnies!

Most of them were refugees we've helped out of Shredders strongholds, labor camps, prisons and factories. Most were old men and women, and more so were only children, barely taking their shy steps into their early teens.

Most healthy, young men were posted as resistance league members, protecting our borderers and such; while the young women were trained in first aid and nursing, paramedics.

There weren't many people around, and these young kids need someone to protect them, they're too young and innocent to fend for themselves, and I know Shredder would show them no mercy, if he ever managed to get his hands on them.

In which he wont! Not if I have anything to say about it! Over my dead body he will!

Marching away from the homeless, and towards a more open area, I stopped. Standing still, using my senses to catch her scent, to figure out where she had been to, to see if I could track where she was, I scanned the area.

At the clearing, somewhere on the inner, lower level, backside of the building; was an abandoned water facility. I knew Angel had the tendency to lurk within any area that provides water of any type.

Whenever we go to the farmhouse, -which is rather risky nowadays, considering our circumstances; and besides, Shredder found it and blew it sky high! Now it's just a big hole in the ground.- she's always at the nearby river or lake, and when I asked her about it once, she claimed that the city doesn't have fresh lake waters, just salty sea harbors, that are usually filthy from the sewers, and to her, it's not often to find just a paradise outside the city.

Clearly, I caught her scent, but it was mixed with the damp, cool air, I couldn't pinpoint where it was coming from, or where it had gone.

Annoyingly, right out of nowhere, -And Damn! She's quick when she wants to be!- there was a quick, sharp slap to my rear end, and I yelped with the sudden jolt that stung my cheek. Blinking rapidly, feeling my whole body jump at the stinging, tingling pain. It didn't take more than a minute, before my face was up in flames; tail-cheeks included. I didn't need to turn around to know, and face, who had rudely assaulted my rear end, because the loud, giddy giggles were echoing, bouncing off the walls.

"Yeesh! Why can't you _ever_ greet me like a normal person?" I grouched, turning casually to face her, a hand attentively rubbing the sore spot, "You always, _always_ smack my ass! What's up with that?" I grouched.

She giggled, her pretty brown eyes twinkled, stars dancing in her eyes, and she brushed that stray strand of hair from her eyes, tucking it under hear head scarf, "Aww, c'mon Raphie, you have a cute pair of buns, they're fun to smack!" she grinned wider, cheekily wiggling a brow, barely containing her glee. When I sent her a flat, unimpressed sneer, she giggled till her cheeks colored pink, and tears of laughter gathered at the corners of her pretty, diamond shaped eyes, "They're so adorable, they have the sign: '_Spank me! I'm cute!_' written all over them!" she batted her eye lashes cutely.

I glared, the warmth spreading across my face, "Easy for you to say!" I muttered under my breath.

Once comforting myself, the sore tingling feeling stopped stinging my tender rear end, I crossed my arms over my chest, giving her a visual once over. Although she had grown a lot since she first met me and my brothers, body and mind, -though more like curved around the body, actually; heh- and she's much younger than I am, I cant help but complement her sassy, hour-glass shaped figure.

I admit, she sure knows how to turn me on, without even trying, that's for sure.

Angel had had cut her hair years ago, seeing long hair tended to just get in her eyes, blocking her sight, so she almost shaved it all off. Now her hair was barely three inches long, short trimmed and a little bushy, almost spiky, giving her more a tomboy appearance.

She wore a v-necked, sleeveless vest with an exposed belly, and military themed pants, along with leather, metal toed boots and fingerless gloves, belts and straps were all over her, various utility belts. She wore a squared-piece cloth, a scarf on her head; it was folded into a small red triangle-like shape, with all three tails tied at the back of her head.

Her arm was still wrapped in bandages, but it looks like the cast is off, thus the fracture had been healed. Her once injured foot was bandaged as well, but she was resting her weight on it, so I'm guessing it doesn't hurt anymore.

"I see your all patched up, up and about, huh?" I snorted, and her eyes widened a bit, her laughter stopped at seeing the serious expression on my face. "I though I'd just come and see if you're okay, but I guess I was worried for nothing." I stashed my hands in my pockets, aiming to leave, "Well, since I've wasted enough time, I'll be seeing ya."

"Raph! Wait!" She argued, trying to apologize, to make me stop, but I ignored her.

No more than ten feet away, she grabbed the tails of my bandana, jerking me back, and in one swift movement, I managed to keep myself from moving, by twirling around to face her. Before I could stand upright, to yell at her, -I could have fallen and broke a neck, you know!- her hands quickly, but harmlessly, clapped my cheeks, before she forced her lips to mine in a deep kiss!

I stared wide eyed and speechless. A hoard of bottled emotions gushed in the pit of my stomach.

But, of course, that was only for a moment, for when her mouth found mine, I kissed back.

Deepening the kiss, I closed my eyes, savoring every second of that passionate kiss. My hands snaked around her narrow waist, over her hip, feeling the thin fabric of her belly-shirt, my thumbs brushing over her delicate skin, and she gave a small moan. The vibration of her voice in my throat brought a violent shudder, and I pulled her closer, feeling her body deliciously pressed against mine, but also trying not to crush her.

Her hands slide down, gently and tenderly caressing my face, her nails gently raking my skin, down my neck, over my collarbone, then slowly creeping their way over my shoulders, wrapping around my neck, pulling my head closer, deepening the kiss even more.

For months, since I've last laid eyes on her, I've missed her touch, her scent, her breath, her voice! God, I'm so in love with her! With every heartbeat, I find myself missing her more and more, wanting to be with her. Yet, fully aware of the fact that in order to protect her, then I need to stay away. I love her, and I know, deep down inside, if anything ever happened to her, it won't be long before I follow.

If that's the price I need to pay to protect her, to risk my life for her, then I'm more than willing to pay it.

If my father sacrificed his life for me, because he loved me; then I will sacrifice my life for her, because I love her as well!

….

-Leonardo-

---------

It had been so long, since I've come here, father.

I miss you, only God knows how I'm dearly missing you.

The breeze is blowing, north to north east; swiftly, gently. It's cool, a clear sign autumn is ending, and winter is coming up closer, and it won't be long before the snow starts falling, coating everything with it's soft, white, cold blanket of fluffy snow. I smell the scent of wet dirt and grass, and I think a rainstorm is coming up; I'm not sure how long it would last, but I estimate from a few hours, to probably a whole day; it'll probably start any time now, so maybe I should make this quick, before the downpour starts.

The breeze blew a little harder; it carried the various smells of my surroundings; like the dirt, grass, rooftop tiles, warm and crispy from the faded sunlight. These scents carry information I need, to go my way around in this ultimate world of darkness.

I could catch the faint scents of my brothers as well, and I identify them quite easily. Raphael's scent is slightly spicy with a mix of sweat and dirt, but with a touch of blood. Although it's thinning out now, as he had just left, barely a minute ago, I can still track it, if I wish to do so, just before the rain pours down and washes it away; but I won't.

I knew he wouldn't have left, if he didn't mind me being here.

Michelangelo smells more of dust and bricks, gunpowder, tiles on rooftops and a faint touch from the reek from the sewers. I'm guessing he'd been spending most of his days within base, or in the underground shelters. I could also catch the faint touch of blood and ointment, something mint-spice or such, so I take it he had been in the infirmary, before he had come for a visit.

I wonder if he had injured himself, or had been on another rescue mission.

Your final resting place, father; this is probably the only place for the three of us to gather, and not spend hours upon hours trying to strangle each other. It's almost as if your missing presence alone, here in this lonely little spot, boldly sets and signs an unspoken truce, a truce we all agree on. We gather here in sheer and complete silence. We mourn, show our respect; we might spare a word or two to each other, comforting, questioning, but that's it, and then leave, never looking back. No bloody fist fight, no physical pain, aside the verbal abuse, yet there is still remorse, lingering heavy in the air.

Michelangelo shifted, from his position behind me, I could sense he was growing a bit restless with the silence.

He didn't say anything, when Raphael left, and I think his aura shifted to something bemused.

I'm guessing Raphael is finally off to see Angel again? I hid a smirk at that thought.

I knew Raphael, even after all these years, had always been the hardest to admit his feelings, compassionate or not, openly to anyone. He's been avoiding her a lot as of late, I believe they haven't seen each other for over a month now, and to Raph, that's a record! I'm surprised he hadn't started a brawl at one of Shredder's strongholds yet.

At any case, Michelangelo's silence only lasted for a moment longer, before he dare step closer to me, and I tensed, but hid it the best I could. I was clearly overreacting. Faintly, he just touched my shoulder, telling me to be careful, before he then simply turned to leave as well.

Once gone, I released a sigh. I am alone, again.

I miss my siblings, and I wish if I could reach out and hold them, to touch them like we used to do in the past. But, from what I can feel, from the aura emanating from them, they don't exactly feel the same towards me, and that hurts me worse than any physical wound.

People mostly pity those who have not, or lost their sight, either for the fact that they had the ability to see, but lost it for some reason, or they were born without the bless of sight to begin with. Nevertheless, they pity those who don't see things as they really are, but as how they feel them up, or how others describe these things to be, for them to imagine how these things look and feel like.

I remember I read a story once, when I still had my sight, a story about a man, who said that if he could wish for one thing, he'd wish for only one eye, if granted, that's all he'd want. For that man, having one eye, is better than having no sight at all. Somehow, I sympathize with him, being a blind turtle-man myself, though it had not been by choice, more like by accident.

I wonder if that would set another difference, between Raphael and I; for I have lost my eyesight to the toxic chemical, during that fated battle, in which you have sacrificed yourself to defend us, father. Raphael had lost one eye to Karai's blade later on, on that battle when he tried to protect Casey, during that failed mission. We did not just lose Professor Honeycutt and Casey, we lost a part of Raphael that day, and I wonder, if we'll ever get it back.

With a furrow, I absently rolled her name on my tongue again. Karai…

For a very long time, for many years, I believed that she was better than her so-called father, that she could be trusted, and that she was honorable! I trusted her; I believed that she would not betray us, that she would do what it takes, to protect those who need protection, in whatever way she could offer. Unfortunately, the Shredder apposed her kindhearted deeds, cornering her and forcing her to abide by his rules, questioning her loyalty, to force her to do his heartless bidding, to blindly carry out his orders, to spare no one, and enslave and kill everyone!

She did not like it, and yet she complied, she silently did as told.

She did as told, only for the sake of proving her loyalty to her beast of a father.

With a tight breath, I released a sigh, allowing the tightness inside my lungs to ease, if only a bit. I've been feeling very uncomfortable, the past few nights, I can't explain it. Ever since our last grand encounter with the Shredder, a few years ago, our battles have been a failure after a failure; none of our plans worked, they always either fail miserably; part or half way, or backfire! The biggest proof of that, is that we're burdened with permanent injures now, and we've lost too many lives, trying to execute these plans.

I don't know how many war scars are ornamenting my body, and I don't care, I've lost count at any case.

Sigh… I miss Donatello, we could sure use that leveled head of his right about now; but that is simply not an easily granted wish.

I'm probably just pushing my luck. I don't want to lose faith in him; want to believe that he'll be back, someday; but by every passing day, a bit of my belief falls off, as light as a crust of dry paint, it peels off by itself slowly, painfully, before it manages to break free and fall, touching the floor, where it would turn into ashes and dust; like the petals of the flower, leaving my sanity bare, shadowed and withering, wilting with despair.

'_Donny, what would I do to have you back right now?_' I mumbled quietly under my breath, my blind eyes astray, staring at the pitch blackness, and at nothing in particular, '_I'm sorry, father; I didn't mean to sound so depressed, but I guess my heart just isn't with it right now._' I smiled weakly, reaching out carefully, my fingers coming in contact with the plank of wood, I grinned a little and stroked it gently, '_I love you, and I still miss you, but I guess you already know that._' I concluded, before getting up.

There are many things for us to do, still to defend our home.

Even if I'm the last one standing, I will do whatever it takes, I will protect those I care for!

With your teachings, father, and with God's will besides me, I know justice will prevail!

We will defeat the Shredder, even if it kills me!

Xxxxxxxxxxxxx

A/N: flashback part two complete. Next, Cybog Donatello again.


End file.
